


Snow White and the Huntsman

by renindustria



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Attempted Sexual Assault, Blood and Gore, Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Camping, Church Sex, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dress Up, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Lord Levi, M/M, Minor Character Death, Morning Cuddles, Murder, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prince Eren Yeager, Princes & Princesses, Sharing Body Heat, Sleepy Cuddles, Suicide Attempt, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-08 08:03:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 34,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5489702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renindustria/pseuds/renindustria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The classic fairy tale retold, with Eren and Levi both acting as our beloved princess Snow White. The main pairing is ErenxLevi. Starts out kinda fucked up then goes downhill from there. A dark fantasy featuring only the most traumatic of events, extreme psychological breakdowns and delicious gore. Prepare for Eren being a very earnest manipulative little shit. Set in a fictional medieval time period.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mirror Mirror On the Wall, Who is the Fairest of Them All

**Author's Note:**

> Dear god do not take this seriously, I'm writing it with a lot of humor, sarcasm and willful ignorance of the facts. I have almost finished this work, but will be posting it chapter by chapter as I do my final edits. I have at least 12 chapters to post, ranging from 1000-5000 words each. I actually did a lot of research writing this. Please note the First Person POV will be switching back and forth from Eren to Levi, and thus some of the story line will overlap as each character tells it from their perspective. I find the Ereri ship is great for exploring psychological dysfunction. Any feedback, good or bad is welcome.

Mirror Mirror On the Wall, Who is the Fairest of Them All

Three full moons into the year. I'm watching the pale moon against the clear sky. By the next full moon, I'll be sixteen. March is the Worm moon. I remember birthdays being significant. Now, I don't really think about them. But I'm thinking about this one. Because this one, my sixteenth, means I am of an age where I would have taken over some of my fathers responsibilities. I probably would have been allowed out alone. Maybe given some official duties. Well, I'm let out alone at least. That's something. Why am I thinking about this. 

I'm sat shivering as sweat cools under my woolens. It's still cold this time of year. I should go see Hange in the kitchens. She remembers my Birthdays. I have to be careful about seeing her. Don't want to get her in trouble. I've just cleared the dead, sticky leaves from the front courtyard. There's a cold draughty breeze biting at my fingers and ears. 

I don't think I would change anything much. I'd like some more shoes and clothes. More food too. I have vague memories about been given new shoes on a birthday long ago. Remembering is making my eyes prick with tears. The dead trees and cold wind isn't helping my mood. If I start crying now, I'll probably never stop. I bury my face in my knees, arms strapped across. 

Its only me out here. Guards patrol outside the walls. The hunters are out. They left very early this morning. I brought their horses to them before the sun was even up. After that, I crashed back into my hay pile and slept till sunrise. Not like anybody was waiting for me. I have a rota of duties, sort of. My step mom will just add and remove them at random, so I just do as much as I can to avoid trouble. If she is feeling particularly vindictive, I might be assigned something like clearing the gutters. During a storm. Avoiding her, and anyone who might acting on her behalf is the only way of maintaining a peaceful life. People are always watching. I pretty much know who to trust. People come and go but most of the core staff have been here since I was born.

I'm still sat having my very sad, pathetic moment when I hear my step moms voice. It makes my stomach drop. Her voice can cause a wide array of terrible feelings actually, depending on how distant and angry it sounds. On the rare occasion she calls my name, my face goes numb and my hands turn cold and sweaty. 

Her voice right now is dull, but slightly echoing. I'm sat, leaning against the trunk of the large oak. The one right next to the castle wall, whose roots reach into the dungeons. It's unusual for the her to be anywhere but in her room or in court. Heart racing I cup both hands behind my ears, sitting forward. Her voice is coming from the sunken window nearest me. A storage room? I'm not actually familiar with the inside of the castle. I'm not allowed in. 

On my belly, I crawl forward, keeping to the wall. I'm as close as possible, hidden slightly by clinging ivy. I glance around, making sure no one is watching and hook my hands behind my ears again. I can pretty much hear. 

'Can you foretell future events?'

'No my queen. That is beyond my power.'

'Can you tell me what others are thinking?'

'No my queen, a mans heart can be read only by himself.'

'Can you tell me about the past?'

'I can my Queen.'

'Can you tell me about the present?'

'I can my Queen.'

'Who holds the highest position in this kingdom?'

'You my queen.'

'And who is the most feared?'

'You are, my queen.'

'And who is the fairest?'

'The huntsman my queen.'

'And who is….WHAT?'

'The huntsman is the fairest in the kingdom, my queen.'

Her scream had made my jump. I quickly clap my hands behind my ears again. I have no Idea who exactly she is talking to. Obviously some kind of wizard. Although, when I think about it, he hasn't really said anything I couldn't have told you myself. I think I know the huntsman he's referring to. A smile creeps over my lips. My step-mother is beautiful. But she isn't fair. I almost need a hand over my mouth to block my laughter. 

'WHICH HUNTSMAN'

'The one they call Captain Ackerman.'

'LEVI? THAT LITTLE SHIT?'

My hand is is now clamped over my mouth and I'm shaking with laughter until she lets out a blood curdling scream and I hold my breath. 

'HOW.'

'I do not decide the facts my Queen, I mearly present them to you.'

There is an enormous crash and the tinkling of glass. I think something has been smashed. Queen Reiss is on the warpath. She shouts for her guard. She's so loud I back away from the window. 

'DOK.'

'Yes my Queen.'

'BRING ME THE HUNTSMAN. CAPTAIN ACKERMAN.'

'They are out on expedition my Queen, I shall bring him to you as soon as they return.'

'DON'T….don't bother Dok.

Her voice was now low and dangerous. She seems to be thinking, pacing. 

'I want you to go, in secret, wait for his return. When he is alone, I want you to cut out his eyes. He mustn't know it was you. I want him alive. I want him to live on as a useless disgrace. I WANT HIM RUINED.'

'My queen…He is the best huntsman we have ever had. He is Kenny Ackermans Nephew.'

'Dok. I don't care if I never eat another piece of venison in my life. I'll send you to hunt my dinner. I don't care if he MY nephew. I want at least two pieces of his face presented to me on a plate. Today Dok.'

'Yes, my queen.'

'Catch him alone. NOW.'

I can hear Dok's boots swiping against the stone and the creak of a heavy wooden door. I clamp my hands over my ears again as Queen Reiss lets out another scream. Angrier this time. If possible. Her words are beginning to sink in. She…she's lost it. I know she's cruel but. She's going to hurt Captain Ackerman. He can't help being the fairest. Stupid bitch. As silently as possible, I scramble to my feet and head toward the stables. My heads spinning, thoughts bumping into each other. I can't let her do this. Captain Ackerman hasn't even done anything wrong. 

I've… I've got to warn him. I have an ally in the horses and I know the hunting parties movements better than anyone else. I know the captain and his team of two will use the front entrance today. They were planning on following the river. Levi, Petra and Oluo usually return together around noon. If I can warn him before he even enters the grounds, Dok will never get chance to attack. I need to keep him away from the castle in case the queen changes her mind and simply executes him. It wouldn't be the first time she has strung someone up on false charges. Its almost noon. I don't have anymore time to think.

If I take a horse, someone might notice. Dok will notice if he comes to the stables to wait for Levi. If I go out on foot I probably won't be fast enough to track them down before they approach the gates. The long drive and open fields will make them visible on their approach. If I wait till they are inside the grounds I risk Dok reaching Levi first. Dok won't go out looking for them. He wouldn't risk making Levi suspicious. But what do I know. I am a stable boy. I am not qualified for this. But I like Levi. He doesn't shout at me. He doesn't scold me for being slow. He doesn't talk much. He's close to his team. 

My eyes are filling up. I blink hard and push the heels of my hands into my eyelashes. Its still quiet. nobody around. No sign of Dok. Yet. I'm taking a horse before Dok appears. No time to saddle up so I head straight for Daisy. She likes me. She will cooperate. Now is not the time Eren, to think about how your best friend is a horse.

'Daisy we need to find Levi.' 

She can sense my panic, she's looking me dead in the eye and nodding her head, huffing quietly. I've never felt so grateful for spending the last ten years of my life living mostly with farm animals. If we can manage this, Daisy can have my morning bread roll for the rest of our miserable lives. I swing up onto her back we set off immediately. I glance over my shoulder for any sign of Dok. Hopefully he's being his usually lasy ass self and waiting for Levi to return before leading him off and…

'Daisy I need to find Levi, he's..can you smell them? Do you know which routes they take?'

Stupidly, I'm choking up again. I am usually the one bearing the brunt off the queens anger. I know better than most what she's capable of. I've never had a chance to stop something before though. I've never been able to actually do anything. I try not to think about the young kitchen boy who she had whipped last winter. He had been sneaking food outside for himself. He hadn't been with the house long. His wounds had gotten infected and he died weeks later. Hanji told me about it. She remembers the time before Queen Reiss. Before the King died. 

We are past the drive, the open fields, and into the woods. Daisy has slowed to a walk. Her ears are pricked. I don't need to go to far into the woods. Just need to stay out of sight of the front gate. Find them before they get too far. Daisy seems to understand, she's sticking to the main path. The one leading to the river. Take some time to breath Eren. Focus on your mission. Find the hunting party. Listen for them. 

I'm having a nervous breakdown and Daisy is just calmly wandering, ears twisting. Minutes pass. The sun is directly overhead. Its very quiet amongst the trees. No good for hunting. Definitely home time. When Daisy turns and starts trotting I have to remind myself to stay calm in case its Dok. I'll tell him I fancied a ride out? There was literally no reason for a stable boy to be out riding bareback in the middle of the day. I should know. If Dok, or anyone else for that matter, ever sees me misbehaving, they take great pleasure in ratting me out. 

Anyway, calm. Be Calm. Find Levi. Daisy is picking up pace. I can hear Petra now. Her voice rings out like a silver bell. I've never heard anything so beautiful. Legs gripping a little too tightly around Daisy, I call out as soon as I am within talking distance. They are quickly approaching the open fields. 

'Captain Ackerman!'

There is a pause in their horses steps, Petra's voice has gone. They are looking around at me, slightly on guard. Hands hovering over bows. Relief is washing over me. I collapse a little bit against Daisies neck. She brings me along side them, where they are stood expectantly. 

'Dok is waiting for you. He's going to ambush you.'

I'm breathing hard, looking at each of them in turn. There is no change of expression on Levi's face. But Petra and Oluo's eyebrows shoot up. 

'Queen Reiss is really angry. She told him to attack you once you were alone. He's waiting for you to get back. He's gonna wait till your not looking and…'

I really didn't feel capable of continuing that sentance. I'm looking straight at his face. Levi couldn't go back, didn't really matter about the specific horrors that were waiting. 

'She wants it to be a secret. I overheard her talking to Dok.'

Levis eyes have narrowed. Petra and Oluo are looking between him and me, waiting for either one of us to say something. Probably. 

'Petra. Oluo. Take my kills and go on ahead. Tell anyone who asks I'm stalking that stag. Or the cat that keeps shitting in the flower boxes. Whichever.'

'Levi…' 

Petra's eyes are wide, searching Levis face. But he's looking straight at me. I wipe my face with my sleeve. 

'Don't worry about me. I'm not entirely surprised. You two shouldn't be in any particular danger. You aren't a threat. Just act normally. I'll be along soon. I don't want either of you involved.'

Petra and Oluo are looking at each other. They glance at Levi before trotting off. I'm trying to process whats happening. Levi is saying he'll follow after them? He's looking at he again. I am just sat awkwardly on Daisy, hands fisted in her mane. 

'Its only Dok. No one else?'

'The Queen said she wanted him to do it and keep it a secret, so that even you wouldn't know what had happened.'

Levis eyes are searching the woods. 

'What exactly did you overhear. What happned'

I suck in a breath. I'm having trouble meeting Levi's eyes with him staring at me.

'Well I had finished sweeping the courtyard and I decided to take a break underneath the oak. The big one whose roots reach into the dungeons. And I was sitting there when I heard Queen Reis's voice. She was talking to someone. So I crept down to the window and…'

'Yeah?'

I was struggling to get it all out. It was strange having Levi look at me so directly. I'm not really used to talking to people other than Hanji and the horses. Come to think of it they don't actually count. As I am about to repeat the conversation from the dungeon, I am suddenly struck by the realization that its all sounds rather…

'Well she asking this person lots of questions and then she asked 'Who is the fairest in the land' and the person said that was you.'

'Me.'

'Yeah, then she got really angry smashed something and told Dok to go find you. I'm worried. I think she's really mad. I think she was expecting to be the fairest.'

Levi is slowly breathing in through his nose. He seems exasperated. 

'Eren, you can't have heard that right. Do you know what 'Fairest' means?'

'Yeah, it means pretty, like beautiful. Like flowers.'

He's searching my face.

'And what part of that relates to me, exactly?'

I hadn't really questioned it at the time.

'I didn't really question it at the time. But she told Dok to…bring at least two pieces of your face to her. Today.'

'Shit.'

'Yeah..'

He was thinking now. No longer looking at me. I'm just staring. Useless. My mission was complete. 

'Eren, wait here. I'm going to be back soon.' 

'Captain Ackerman!'

'Eren…please trust me. I am going to be back. Wait right here. Stay off the path.'

He's off before I can protest further. I am now under the assumption that Petra, Oluo, Levi and me are all good as dead. Maybe Daisy too. I'll send her away before I'm captured, she can live free in the wild. I'm suddenly very exhausted. I am just gonna lay down and wait for death.


	2. Snow White Hunter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is a Total Boss. The murdering begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi's POV. Just a short one.

Snow White Hunter 

I suppose I saw this coming. I didn't expect it to pan out this way exactly but…

I've diverted round the woods. I am not crossing the open fields. I'll use the rear, garden entrance. Just a little more hunting Levi. Nothing you haven't done a thousand times already. If Dok fails, the Queen will send someone else. Maybe she will make the hunt for me public. But at least Petra and Oluo will be safe. I will make it seem as if I was attacked after returning late, but escaped. If I just never return, Dok and the Queen will know we were aware of the impending attack. She will know that we were warned. I was warned. Eren warned me. 

Shit. Eren. He's always there when we return. He takes care of the fucking horses. If Dok is anywhere near the stables when Petra and Oluo return, he's going to notice Eren is missing. Shit. Dok probably will be near the stables. He'll probably stalk me from there. He's going to notice Eren plus a horse is missing. Shit shit shit. There is no way and can kill him and the Queen right? Probably not. The stable boy has completely done himself in. He's fucked. I'm Fucked. 

'Knox, wait here for me.'

I'm tying him amongst some dense bushy treed. Please no one notice my fucking horse. Please no one snoop around behind the gardens today. I just have to find Dok and kill him before he kills me. Wait, do I actually have to kill him? Yeah I do. I could let him catch me, as he was planning to. Then escape. But I am that good an actor? Is it worth the risk of being actually caught? No, I'm going to jump that bastard and make it look like his ambush went wrong. Plus, Eren. Eren will still be missing. Still suspicious. 

I'm at the rear gate. The stables are to the side of me. Tucked halfway along the wall of the courtyard. Through the crack in the wooden slats I can see Petra and Oluo. They are putting their horses away. Eren is a conspicuous absence. Shit. Dok is walking towards them. He's got two of his men with him. Fucking coward.

'Where's Ackerman.'

'Hello Dok. He's trying to catch that cat thats been damaging the flower boxes. He's stalking it out front.'

Great, thanks Petra. My last known whereabouts will be 'out front stalking cat that shits everywhere' Legendary. 

'I need to see him when he's back.'

'I'll let him know.'

'Where the fuck is princess stable boy?'

'Eren? Oh I haven't seen him since we set out this morning.'

Dok hasn't said anything in reply. I can see from here that his tiny brain is whirring. God he's stupid. He's turns and orders his side kicks to find Eren. Shit. Now its public knowledge that Eren's missing. Petra couldn't really have said anything else I suppose. If she tells Dok Eren's anywhere specific and they go there looking for him…

I've pushed the gate open. What the hell am I doing. I'm walking toward Dok. I don't even have my horse with me. What will he think I'm doing? What the hell. He's dumb as a post. Won't matter in a couple minutes anyway. I head toward Petra and Oluo. Doks already walking back to the castle when he notices me. 

'Ackerman!'

I stop, trying my best to maintain a look of utter disinterest. 

'Where the fuck have you been. Come with me.'

I don't dare glance at my team. I don't really want to see the expressions on their faces. 

He's the head of Military Guard. Guess I should listen to him. I stalk after him silently. I better get some kind of award for this astounding display of acting prowess. Bashing Doks head in might be reward enough. He's leading me toward the secluded terrace at the back of the castle. I'm well aware he probably has some minions waiting for me there. Nothing yet. We arrive at the outbuildings next to the kitchens. He yanks the basement door open. 

'Down there Ackerman. You first.'

If you say so Dok. You absolute fuckwad. I wonder if this plan of his would have worked even if I hadn't been aware of his intentions. Probably not. Fucking Idiot. We are about halfway down the narrow stairs when I hear his boot skip a step. Expecting the kick, I flatten myself against the wall, grab his foot and he's away down the stairs. I wait for any signs of movement. No one else seems to be down there. There's no lights on. 

He's moaning now. From what I can see in the darkness some of his limbs are pointing out at the wrong angle. Idiot didn't even bring a torch. He was just going to send me down the stairs without even the pretence of actually going into the basement? Okay Dok I am just going to follow you into the dark basement with no source of light, for no reason, just because you told me to. He was actually going to kick me down the stairs. Couldn't even come at me head on. 

Listening closely for other noise I approach Dok. He's lying on the basement floor. The way things played out, the way I avoided his kick, he could probably tell I was aware of his plan. Shit. He's really messed up. He might even die as he is. A trickle of blood is oozing out his ear onto the floor. I am considering just leaving him be. Eren's face floats in front of my eyes. Petra. Oluo. My foot moves on its own and his temple caves in. Lots more blood comes out his ear.

I'm blinking hard in the daylight as I leave the outbuilding. All is quiet. Avoiding the windows but sticking close to the castle wall, I make my way back toward the stables. Glancing round the corner I see Petra and Oluo still brushing their horses. Its all open space between me and them. I have cover till the back gate but thats it. How long until someone notices Doks gone? Until his guards come back, unable to find Eren?

I silently slip out the gate. I can't think to much about goodbyes right now.


	3. Princess Stableboy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They run away together and Eren shits bricks and the beautiful romance begins.

Princess Stableboy

I'm considering what will happen with the horses when I'm dead. No Eren. You are waiting for Levi. Then you are going back to the stables where you belong. He's sorting things out. 

By tomorrow this will all have been a spring dream. The damp grass is very cold against the back of my neck. Now that my heart rate has slowed I'm starting to get cold. My hands shake with chill instead of nervousness. I get back on daisy and relax along her back. She's huffing away. So warm. I love Daisy. Clip Clop.

My heart-rate is back up again. Sitting up, I can see Levi trotting through the woods behind me. Opposite direction to last time.

'Follow me.'

Daisy follows. 

'You're okay…are Petra and Oluo alright?'

'They will be fine.'

'Did Dok…'

'He's dead.'

'Oh.'

Levi isn't looking at me, he's staring straight ahead. We are trotting through the woods away from the castle. 

'I'm glad you're alright. I guess you can't ever come back though.'

'Nope.'

'Well…I better head back. I'll already be in enough trouble as it is.'

Levi has slowed his horse. He's stopped. Daisy has pulled up alongside. 

'Eren.'

He's sounding kind of…heartbroken? I'm searching his eyes for some clues but he's looking at the forrest floor.

'You can't go back. The guards know you're missing. They will find Dok. They probably have already.'

'But…'

'Have you ever gone missing before? For hours?'

'No.'

'Has anyone seen or spoken to you today?'

I'm confused.

'Dok is dead. As far as we know you haven't been seen since we left this morning and I am, as far as the queens concerned, dead meat. She's going to assume your involved. You will be questioned and promptly hung for treason.' 

'But she can't know that I was listening at the window.'

'It doesn't matter. You were missing when Dok came looking for me. Petra told him she hadn't seen you since morning. Your horse is now missing. You look more guilty than me even. The guards will assume we killed Dok and we ran away together. The queen will know it was actually me, but that doesn't change the fact that you are in deep shit.'

'But…I was supposed to go back. I don't have anywhere else…I just didn't expect…'

'Look if Dok had come looking for me himself you could have gone back and no one would have been the wiser. But he brought two of his men with him and sent them looking for you. Understand? They have probably told others that you are missing. I didn't plan for it to work out this way.' 

Wow. Is today just the day where I cry constantly. I consider giving in, sliding off Daisy and melting into a teary puddle on the ground. I don't even care that Captain Ackerman, queens best hunter is sitting next to me. Quietly waiting for me to stop sobbing. Our horses are walking now. Thank god Daisy can keep it together. 

'Eren, we are going to have to speed up now. The guards are going to be chasing us.' 

I nod my head. I use my sleeve to wipe my nose. I ignore the twist in Levis's lips. He hands me a handkerchief. This makes me cry more. I don't know where we are going. I don't know for how long. Miles slip by before I am aware again. 

Eventually we stop cantering and enter a small patch of trees. My butt hurts. I've never ridden for so long before. The air is growing dark and damp. It still gets dark early so it might only be dinner time. I am just happy to get off Daisy for a while. Levi tells me we are going to camp, but we can't have a fire because we are still to close to the castle. Its okay. I never have a fire anyway. I tell him. I sleep with the horses in the hay. I'm laughing at that. Wait. Its actually pretty sad. 

Thank god Levi actually has some minimal supplies with him. He gives me water. Its the best thing I have ever tasted. Levi is truly a wonder amongst men. I sit uselessly as he piles leaves and branches across a spray of branches curving low over the ground. Its a pine tree tent. He's breaking off wide branches to create a thick roof. 

He's given me his blanket. I am currently in possession of some trousers, a sweater, leather sandals and absolutely nothing else. Oh, I still have his handkerchief tied around my wrist. The blanket is a big deal to me right now. I think absentmindedly through a cycle of three thoughts. I'm cold. I'm Hungry. I'm never going home. When I got bored of one problem, there was another waiting to be chewed over. 

By the time he's led the horses to the stream and back its pretty much dark. He leaves them on a long rein so they can graze. His horse's name is Knox. He's pitch black. Daisy, I can tell, is very taken with him. She's had her eye on him a while. I am grinning at her stupidly when Levi's voice floats over. 

'Eren.'

'Uh hu.'

'We might as well sleep. Set off as early as we can.' 

'Kay.'

Doesn't take me much convincing. I'm up and crawling awkwardly into our tree tent. 

'You okay?'

'Yup.'

I press up against Levi's side tight as I can get and throw my blanket over both of us. 

'Good night.'

I say this to Daisy too of course. I usually sleep next to her if there aren't any foals. Sometimes I'm with the dogs and a couple barn cats. I remember my father saying it to me. But I remember always sleeping alone back then. Big bed. Fire always lit. It's this memory that carries me away to sleep. 

His breath smells like jerky. mmmm.


	4. Knox and Daisy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's POV. He realizes Eren might be mentally unstable, but decides to ignore it. Their horses fall in love. Eren is naked already.

Knox and Daisy

Its dark when my I am suddenly aware of my own breathing. And someone else's. All seems well so I stay very still until I can remember what the fuck is going on. Its been a while since I slept rough. Since becoming a hunter for the crown I have been in a soft bed every night. No need for camping when theres a deer park surrounding the castle. My job is as much about managing the herd than stalking them. Of course we caught rabbit. Pheasant. Ermine. Fish. Fox….Wolf. 

My winter cape is lined with wolf fur. Its tucked over both of us. Its not covering my legs because its shared with Eren. When did I become so selfless. Thankfully he's still asleep, snoring quietly and I have some time to collect my thoughts. Its just barely sunrise. If we hurry today we might make the mountain pass by sundown. After that its 10 miles through the foothills and another 30 over the moors to Erwins. In good weather it takes me three days total. We are already half a day in. He's on the coast. They are on the coast. Us being there will put them at risk. I don't have anywhere else. I just need some time to think and gather supplies. 

There is an overwhelming smell of pine. Erens hair smells like horse and hay. Might as well have something to eat while its quiet. No need to get up out of the warmth just yet. I have my water and food pack next to me in our small tent. Keeps the scavengers off it. I'm laid chewing quietly on rabbit jerky thinking about nothing, staring at the small dots of light growing on the roof of our super quality lodging. 

There is movement beside me. I do my best not to slide away as Eren shifts and shoves his nose toward my face. He's sniffing. 

'What do you have?'

He doesn't actually ask for any. He's backed away slightly. Laid on his side and shyly searching my hands and face. I can just make out his features in the dim light. I remember being his age. I remember being hungry, constantly. 

'Here.'

I hold out the water skin. He takes it gingerly. I don't really share my skins like this. Ever. 

'There's a stream. You can finish that off.'

He's gasping when he hands the skin back. He wipes his mouth on his sleeve. I can't help sucking my teeth. I hand him the last of my rabbit. He holds the strips carefully and tears at them with vigour. He just barley chews before choking each mouthful down. I just watch with fascination. 

'I'll take the horses to the river while you pack up.'

Okay Captain Stableboy. He's already outside. When I stumble out he's clutching Knox's reins in one hand. The other keeps my blanket round his shoulders. I look at him properly for the first time. Tall and lean. Messy brown hair, green eyes. His oversized sweater is hanging off one shoulder. His patched trousers don't even come close to his ankles. He doesn't even have proper shoes. He ignores my stuporous staring and gently takes the water skin from my hand and wanders off. Horses in tow. 

I scrub my teeth while he's gone. Comb my hair back. Re-tie it. I consider changing my shirt. I really, really, really don't like sleeping rough. Instead of pouting I clean my nails. Destroy our small pine branch tent. Press both my hands hard into my eye sockets. Despair slightly. Erwin always has plenty of food. Soap. Clothing. He's a priest. He gets shit for free. I can survive the three days. I re-sling my Bow, arrows, knives, sword. I close my saddle pack. Refold the saddle blanket. Eren doesn't even have reins. Shit. 

We need to be going. Erens still with the horses at the river. We don't know if the Queen is sending 1 person after us or 1000. Our faces could be plastered over every inn in the kingdom by now. Best to stay hidden till we get to Erwins and figure out whats actually going on. I'm striding over to get him. Erens crouched in the river. Washing his ass. Blanket and clothes laid out on the grass. Its freezing. I really can't believe he's actually bothered enough to wash. Puts me to shame actually. He stands and shakes, rather like a dog? 

The horses are knee deep in the river. Flirting shamelessly. My horse is an absolute shit by the way. He's just barley capable of standing still unsupervised. When I asked for a horse that was fast but light on his feet, I ended up with one that is actually just light on brain matter. Oh right, on the lamb. Got to go. 

'Eren.'

'Hi Captain!'

He's waving excitedly? And hopping back into his trousers at the same time. Never been greeted so enthusiastically by a naked criminal stable hand before. Not at this time in the morning anyway. 

'Sorry. I just. I usually bath with the dogs or horses most days. There's always someone needs a wash. Doesn't feel right if I don't.' 

Was I ever that robust? I would rather stink than brave a freezing river in mid march. Maybe I'm losing my edge. He's dried himself off with MY blanket and is getting dressed. Shivering, he clutches the blanket around himself and heads up the hill towards me. Apparently, when Erens horse is around, Knox is a gold star number one obedient horse because he's just following Eren back up the hill. No problem. 

Erens walking beside me now. Looking at the grass in front of him.

'I'm thankful. You don't have to take me any further. You probably have somewhere else you can go. I won't be a burden to you.'

Who does he think I am? 

'Who do you think I am Eren?'

'Sorry..?'

'If you hadn't have come to warn me, us, I would have walked into a trap. I had my suspicions about Dok. I know he doesn't…didn't like me but I never would have suspected a sneak attack like that.'

I realize now Eren has no idea what what happened after I told him to stay in the woods and wait for me. 

'When I arrived back Dok was asking around, looking for me. He realized you were missing too. I approached him and he led me to the out buildings by the kitchens. He sent me down the stairs ahead of him and tried to kick me. I grabbed him instead and he landed at the bottom pretty badly mangled. I left him there snuck out, and returned to you.' 

Eren doesn't need to know I finished him off. Oh right, there was that as well….

'I don't know who you overheard the Queen talking to…but they must have something against me. They were using the Queen and Dok to take me out.' 

I know the Queens stupid but…I didn't realize she would come after me just because some bloke told her I was fairest. Who on earth could she have been talking to. My Uncle Kenny has made some powerful enemies. He's probably dragged me into something. I am pondering this when Eren speaks up. 

'I think she was talking to a wizard. She was asking if he could predict the future or read peoples minds. He said he could only tell her facts and things about the present.'

I am forgetting Eren is a fucking child. 

'Right well what did she ask him.'

She asked him who was the Highest in the land and he said that was her and who was the most feared and he said that was her as well then she asked who was the fairest and he said that was the hunter.'

'So he didn't actually say me specifically, she just assumed.'

'Oh! No. She said 'LEVI? THAT LITTLE SHIT?' and he said yes. 'The one they call Captain Ackerman.''

We are back at camp. I am, for the second time this morning, pressing my hands into my face and falling into despair. Eren ignores my descent into madness and continues on. 

'…Then she asked 'HOW' and he said that he doesn't decide the facts he just relays them.'

'If this person is a Wizard he is an utterly useless one Eren.'

He certainly knows how to get a person in trouble though. 

'But Captain, when you aim your arrow and shoot a target dead on, or you sit out by the barracks on a sunny day and clean your knives or ride your horse through the mist early on a morning…he's right.'

'Who's right.'

'The Wizard. He's right. You're the fairest. The queen knows it too and that's why she was so mad. She knows she's beautiful but she isn't the fairest.'

Erens standing beside his horse. Huge eyes follow my movements. I think the only fat on him resides in his rounded cheeks. He's delicate looking. Like a girl. Maybe this is why his head is so empty. I must tell him not to repeat this conversation to anyone. Ever. If anyone asks, the queen just suddenly decided she didn't like me. No wizard, no questions. End of. I still haven't quite decided if Eren is actually making most of this up. 

The rising sun is well hidden behind thick cloud. Frozen dew covers the expanse of grass around us. Whilst Erens running his mouth, I'm slinging my pack onto Knox. I'm about to secure it when I remember about my extra shirt. When I turn Eren's still watching me. It's becoming disconcerting. Even with my blanket he is woefully underdressed. He is shivering pathetically. For the first time ever, I am somewhat ashamed to be wearing a wolfskin cape. 

We need to move. But I can no longer ignore the uncomfortable feeling of responsibility. Is this what a fatherhood feels like? Looking after young idiots? Running from a mad queen? Eren is stood cleaning his back teeth with the sleeve of his sweater. Nice. He spits.

'Come here.'

Kid looks terrified. I show him my extra shirt. Heavy linen, long sleeves. 

'Put this on under your sweater.'

I have three more handkerchiefs. Don't ask. I hate dirty hands alright. He's got the shirt on and is working on getting his sweater back over his head. Good. 

'Sit down. Take your sandals off.'

He complies. Is this what its like to have kids? They just automatically do you as you say? I take two handkerchiefs and lay them together under Erens foot. I bandage them round into a makeshift sock. My missing fourth handkerchief appears. I do the same with his other foot. Looks pretty shit. Kind of proud of myself anyway. Once he's got his piece of shit sandals tied up again he stands up and gazes at me with wonder. Yes child. I am indeed a wonder amongst men. Shit yeah. 

To finish off I carefully readjust his blanket, leaving enough draped fabric for hood. I use some large pins to secure it in place. I usually use them for drying skins. I resist the urge to finish the look by combing his hair. No time. 

'We are going to be riding all day. We have a lot of ground to cover. And no idea who is after us. Come on.'


	5. Captain Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We re-live the makeshift socks debacle from Eren's POV and Levi's murderous instinct kicks in again. Eren realizes Levi is a Total Boss and Husband Material. Levi starts to worry about Eren interacting with new people.

Captain Dad

I've just breathlessly told Levi he is the fairest. Shit. He looks like he's thinking hard about it. I can only swallow hard and wait. Oh shit, it looks like he's made some kind of decision. He's telling me to come over. How do hunters feel about being told they are fair. I tried to make it sound like a good thing. I think it sounded very believable actually. Quite proud of myself. I'm shitting myself now though. I'm expecting he's just going to hit me and leave me for dead. 

Turns out I'm gaining some new possessions. Nice. His shirt smells like saddle soap. Very nice. My new socks are wonderful. I feel like bursting into tears when he wraps the blanket around me. He looks worried though. He's looking at my hair. I've never really considered my hair until this exact moment. Shit shit shit. His hair is really clean. Like really really clean and tied back in a little knot. I can't even remember what mine looks like. 

He's telling me we are going to go now. I think this means I have to clamber onto Daisy. I do that. We are trotting to warm up. Following a path through open, hilly fields dotted with trees. Levi is looking at me every now and again. I think its best just to stare straight ahead. He hasn't really given me any answers. 

I told him he didn't need to take me any further. But the way things are going he seems to be taking me with him somewhere. I would rather stay silent and find out the bad news later than break the spell. For now I can pretend I'm not lost and alone. I'm out on a mission with the kingdoms fairest, who is also the queens best hunter. And he's just used his soft clean cotton handkerchiefs to make me socks. Why was I ever worried?

We are moving swiftly away from the castle now. I can't even see its tallest spires. We are switching between cantering and walking as the ground becomes uneven, where the mountains toes dig into the ground. I've never, ever, been this far from the castle. Despite riding for hours I am still fascinated by every rock and tree. Daisy keeps close to Knox. I don't have to think too much. I spend a lot of time watching Levi's hair glisten. 

Levi is maintaining a look of steadfast determination. I've noticed the crease between his brows flattens out completely when he stops scowling. I kind of want to poke at it. He's always been quiet. I like to think he only speaks when he has something important to say. 

I'm sorry my stepmother is such a bitch. I feel the need to apologize to Levi. I realize I haven't thanked him for my clothes. We are approaching some smooth ground and Daisy has already pulled alongside. The sun is half-way along its low arch though the grey sky. 

'Captain Ackerman!'

His little frown-line appears. 

'Whats wrong. Do you need to stop?'

'Sorry, no. I just wanted to say thank you for my clothes. I have absolutely nothing and you don't have much more, but you helped my anyway. I wouldn't have made it this far without you.'

'Don't worry about it.'

His frowning intensifies. His skin looks white against his black hair. His profile is very clearly defined. He looks really tired. He must be worried.

'Captain. Are you alright?'

He whips his head around. He looks surprised. I'm waiting a while for an answer. 

'I'm starving.'

'Oh!'

I kind of laugh a little bit. Shit. I ate some of his breakfast. 

'Maybe we could buy some food.'

'Speaking to anyone will leave a trail. I can't risk the queen following us. I have to protect the place we are headed.'

I think hard about this.

'You think that people would remember us?'

'Strangers on good horse's like ours, dressed as we are, yeah.'

'You could just send me, I'll go on foot.' 

He seems to be considering it. I'm actually really, really hungry. I would crawl if it meant food.

'I don't know, you're pretty memorable. Also, I would rather do it myself incase anything happens'

I'm memorable? Wait, does this mean we get to eat? I ate nothing yesterday. Only had Levis scrap of rabbit this morning. Its now noon. 

'Alright. This farm up ahead. I only have enough coins for a few meals worth. I'll go but you hang back and stay with the horses. Out of sight.'

We divert slightly, sticking to the tree line and circling around the farm stead till we can approach from the behind the barn. We are hanging back amongst a particularly dense patch of trees. Levi slides off his horse, sits on a tree stump and begins stripping off his boots and socks. 

'Give me your sandals.' 

'Okay but… why?'

'These boots are cow skin, shearling lined, and very expensive to make. Only those directly serving the Crown are given them. Even then you have to be of a higher rank.'

I sit directly across from him on the muddy leaves and yank off my shoes. I scoot closer and offer them. He's muttering something about them being huge. 

'Alright. Blanket too.'

I fumble with the pins as Levi gracefully slips off his fur cape. We switch. 

'Why does your cape matter?'

'Eren, I don't think there are many peasants wandering around wearing wolf skin capes. I killed five of the shits to make this.'

I decide to hold it very carefully now. 

'Wear it idiot, you'll freeze otherwise.'

'Oh, thanks!'

He's wrapping my blanket round himself. He makes it look pretty good actually. Now he's unfastening his leggings from his belt and draping them over his saddle. He notices me watching closely. He sighs. 

'Most people around here are lucky to have rags to tie around their feet let alone deerskin leggings.' 

I look down at my handkerchief socks. He's right. He's now just wearing my shoes, plain woven trousers and a saddle blanket. He still manages to look impressive.

'Do not move. If anyone approaches tell them you're waiting for me coming back and I have business with the man of the house. You should be fine though.'

He turns to leave. 

'Wait Levi! Your hair!'

'Whats wrong with my hair?'

'It's very shiny and…'

He seems to know where I'm going with this. He pulls the blanket up to make a hood and waves his hand in a dismissive manner as he makes his way toward the farmhouse. 

'Should I wear your boots?' I hiss after him.

'I don't think they will fit.' He hisses back. 

He's gone. I'm going to try on his boots. They have two buckles that adjust their fit, so I loosen both. They are rather tight but at least my feet aren't on the cold wet ground. Levi has left everything with Knox, taking only his money pouch on his belt. I eye his sword and bow. Its a short sword, about as long as my arm. One handed, I soon discover. I'm waiving it around and trying to poke holes in the leaves overhead. Daisy huffs in disapproval. I'm not even going to attempt the bow. 

Levi has been gone a good while when I hear crunching footsteps behind me. Strange, Levi should be coming back from that direction not…Oh. 

A rather large and hulking man is stomping quickly towards us. Daisy lets out a neigh and turns to stand with me. He is looking at me with great interest. I can only stand waiting. 

'What do we have here.'

He's shouting slightly, huffing and puffing. A thick black leather belt is strapped over his wide middle. Its holding a short knife. 

'Eh? Thought I heard summin...' 

I am praying for a quick and painless death.

'You lost boy? Private land this ya know. You ain't even on the path.'

Please let me hear Levi's footsteps behind me right now. No? Okay.

'I'm waiting for my friend. He has business with the man on the house.'

'Oh he does, does he. Well.'

He's looking at me closer now. I can almost feel his breath on my face. 

'Some fancy clothes you got there, ain't tha?'

'Err…'

'Only seen them type of boots on the Queens guard. You look a little young though, to be swinging a sword though, aint ya?

He's literally towering over me. Leering. I realize I have the sword clutched to my chest with both hands like some scared maiden. I don't know what to say that won't make the situation worse.

'Whats wrong eh. Got you worried do I. Dun worry, I dun't think your here to cause trouble are ya boy?'

'No...'

He's now gripping me round the shoulder, pressing me into his side. He drops his voice to a slightly less booming, conversational hush. 

'Got some stew inside ya know. Wifey makes a great stew.'

His hand has slid to my waist.

'Good boys like you ya know, might even get a nice warm bed for the night. What ya say, eh?'

Oh shit, his hands drifting lower. I freeze in panic. 

'Maybe your friend as well you know? Is he a good boy or what?'

Please please please not this again. Please no. 

'Eren?'

I jerk out of the mans grasp and spin around. Levi is striding towards us, food sack swinging in one hand. 

'Here he comes. This your friend Eren? Eh?'

I don't say anything and quickly swing myself up onto Daisy still gripping Levi's sword. I don't want the man talking to Levi. I want us to get out of here. 

'Eren 'ere says you have some business with the man of the house. That would be me then.'

'I have already spoken to your wife. We will be on our way.'

'Now wait a minute yeah? You two kids out here alone. Why, you won't manage, look at ya. Not safe out here for a couple pretty boys like you. What you's two doin anyway eh? Ran away from the castle have ya's! Hah! Playin solider?'

Levi's eyes have gotten very narrow and dangerous looking. The man is laughing now. He's standing between Levi and Knox, blocking his way. Levi shoves past him. The man stops laughing. He reaches towards Levi and…

'AAAARGH!'

I didn't see what happened, but evil farmer man is rolling on the ground.

'YOU BASTARD!'

Levi is on his horse and staring pointedly at me to follow. We are deep into the woods before the mans shouting no longer carries through the trees. Once we are a few miles out we slow to a walk. I'm panting hard.

'Do you think he'll follow us?'

'What on horseback? Not likely. I broke his wrist.'

'Levi….'

I don't really know what to think.

'What no Captain Ackerman now?'

'Huh? Oh…sorry.'

'I'm not Captain anymore Eren. I don't think the Queen will have me back.'

I feel nervous. Exposed. Even with Levi riding next to me. Despite still wearing the fur cape I shiver. I can feel cold sweat on my back. 

'You alright now Eren?'

'Huh? Yeah…just. He was… not nice.'

Levi is quiet.

'Hey, give me my sword. I'll put it back.'

'Oh! Shit! I'm so sorry, I was looking at it when he came out of the woods.'

'It's okay.'

I'm feeling very drained now, like all the life has been washed out of me. I'm also still hungry.

'Look, lets stop and eat. There's the stream up ahead.'

I nod. I clamber down off Daisy. She immediately goes to join Knox at the stream. The grass isn't very damp so I just flop down, flat on my back. I close my eyes. Levi is wandering around. I jerk away when I feel something touch my arm. Its Levi, he has cheese and bread. The water skin is laid between us. I feel sick to my stomach, I hold the food in my hand and wait to feel better. 

'Eren you need to eat. We can't rest for long. Wait…did he hurt you somewhere?

He's crawling closer, examining my face. 

'No. He just…I'm not hurt anywhere.'

'Okay because he had his hand on your ass when I came over.'

Shit. Levi saw that. Embarrassing.

'You should have ran him through with my sword. You had it in your hands!'

Levi laughs gently then has another mouthful of bread. I decide curling into a ball is the way forward.

'I just froze. I wish I could have done something like you did. I didn't want to get us in trouble.'

'Thats what he was counting on. Shit Eren. If someone gets handsey with you again just punch them in the face. Doesn't matter who they are.'

'Yeah but I can't exactly punch the queens guards can I? She'd kill me.'

'Guards..? OH…Shit. You mean…?'

'I'm used to it. It's because I'm such a shit. My step mother is a bitch but she spared my life after all, right? I have no right to complain.'

'Wait, where does your step mother come into this?'

'At least she let me stay within the castle grounds, she could have had me cast out, or worse.'

'I'm confused, you're step mom gets to decide who stays in the Castle?'

'Well yeah, she's the queen. She was next in line of accession after my father died. Next week It would have been me. Don't you know this? You have been with us for what? A year now?'

'You are Eren…Jaeger?'

'Why do you think people call me princess stableboy?'

I've never seen Levi shocked and confused before.

'I know the kings son was charged with his murder and confined to the castle, but I had no idea that was…you.'

Sweet shit. Levi really mustn't mingle much. 

'I thought the guards called you princess stableboy because you looked like a girl.'

'Oh. Thanks.'

'Fuck me. I've kidnapped the fucking prince.'

'Not really. I'm classed as a criminal with no right to the throne. I didn't kill my father by the way. I'm pretty certain anyway.'

'So for what…ten years you have been a prisoner in your own kingdom?' 

'I think of it as ten years I am lucky to have. I am only alive because Queen Reiss enjoys watching me suffer. She told me that herself.'

'I figured your life was pretty shitty Eren but…'

'I have the horses. And other than abuse from the guards, my life is pretty quiet. Hanji sneaks me extra food when she can. Queen Reiss forbid anyone from talking to me. And they don't, for the most part. Not many people want to risk trouble.'

'Eren…you were a child when the King died. How old were you?'

'Six. I am Sixteen by the next full moon.'

'Eren, a six year old isn't capable of murder. Let alone their own father. I had no idea the prince…you were so young.'

'Doesn't matter. The way it played out…Queen Reiss has ultimate control. She decides the rules.'

He's tactfully avoiding the big question. 

'Do know what happened? Levi?'

'Only that the King fell ill and the young prince got the blame.'

'My mother, Queen Jaeger died of fever when I was two. My Father resisted remarriage. He told me he loved mother. He could never love any one else the same. We lived in peace together for three years until war broke out with the neighbouring kingdom. To settle the dispute my father married the kingdoms queen. Queen Reiss. She has no sons and daughters of her own.'

Levi is watching me and waiting very patiently. I'm still holding my bread in my sticky hand.

'Within a year father became bedridden. The doctor suspected poison. One night I wasn't feeling well after dinner and went up to my fathers room. I remember falling asleep on his bed. I woke up to the sound of the chambermaid screaming. I remember she called for the guards. My fathers throat had been slit in his sleep, blood covered me and the bed. I was clutching a knife when they found me. I wouldn't let go of it till the next day when I was led out the dungeons to trial. It was my dads hunting knife. I didn't want them to take it from me. I know I didn't kill him. I think she poisoned us both that night'

'And no body questioned it? The Queen's motives? Your fathers unexplained Illness?' 

'Nobody cared enough to risk being charged with treason. No. Its easier to accept a shitty situation and work around it than fight against the tide. Even I gave in. I used to be angry about it. Now I am just glad if I am left alone for the day.' 

Levi is quiet and thinking. I can't remember the last time I had told this story. Maybe I never had. He stirs and forces the water skin into my hand. 

'Drink.' 

I comply.

'Eat your food.'

I take a bite and he sucks in a breath. 

'My mother died giving birth to me. When I was four my my father went to war overseas and never came back. Left me with my Uncle Kenny. General Ackerman. My family descends from an old line of knights. Successive generations have served in the kings guard and military. He wasn't exactly father material. I was left to my own devices on the family estate. When It was decided I should be married off to a heiress, for money of course, I ran away. I was sixteen. Until I came to work at the castle a year ago I lived in a monastery. Thats where we are heading now.'

'And you're Uncle has no idea where it is right?'

'Nope. He's tried to cut me out of the will of course, and he won't talk to me. Pretty sure he got me the hunting job though. I think he had a heart attack when I showed up one day demanding to see him.' 

'Why did you want to see him?'

'Because at my age I think its time to settle old scores. Plus, I needed the money. I wanted money to send back to the monastery. I owe them so much.'

'So your actually quite kind huh?'

'Who the hell said I wasn't?'

I laugh. He's scowling.

"You even broke that guys wrist for me!'

'For you!? I'm pretty sure I was defending my own modesty as well thank you.'

I just laugh. I ram more bread and cheese down my throat as we talk. 

'I was feeling pretty bad about pushing Dok down the stairs, now I'm glad I did it. I had no idea you were treat so badly. I feel like it wasn't just for my own sake.'

'If it makes you feel any better, Dok was very cruel. He carried out the Queens orders, no matter how twisted. He didn't just bully me. It was anyone who got in his way.' 

'I wasn't surprised when you told me Dok was planning a surprise attack. He probably figured, being an Ackerman, I would be out for his job. He would have been looking for any excuse to knock me off.'

'He's lucky you're fairest in the kingdom then.'

We both laugh, then his face turns serious. 

'Eren please lets just pretend that part never happened okay? You probably misheard what was said. If Erwin ever finds out about this I will never hear the end of it.


	6. Prince Eren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's POV. Nothing bad happens, they cuddle. For warmth. I have fanart for this on tumblr: renindustria

Prince Eren

'Come on. We better get going.'

'Oh wait, your boots. I got them on but, they really are too tight, like you said.'

Nice to know I can have my own boots back. We switch. I pack up the rest of the bread and cheese and refill the water skin. Eren's waiting with the horses when I turn back from the river. 

'Oh, and here.'

He's fumbling with the clasp on my fur cloak. 

'Don't worry. Just wear it for now. I can't be bothered to switch. I have the warm boots you have the cloak.'

He's looking conflicted. 

'And here. Keep this on you.'

I take off the belt with my large hunting knife and hand it to him. I have another knife strapped round my ankle. Several more in my saddle pack. 

'Anyone gives you trouble and I'm not there, stick them straight in the gut Eren. Promise me.'

He looks up and nods. Huge eyes. 

'Lets go Prince Eren.'

He squeaks. Sometimes he reminds me of Petra. Honest and kind. I am doing my best not to think about the friends I left behind. We are making good time at the moment but Eren and his horse are looking tired. Neither of them are used to constant travel. The faster we leave the Royal district the better. Queen Reiss has less influence once over the western mountains. Port cities and towns are basically run by wealthy merchants and builders. Easy to get lost in the heaving crowds. Erwins monastery lies in the foothills of the west coasts southern-most town Sina. Avoiding the main roads is costing us time. 

'Have you ever been over the mountains Eren?'

'I don't think so…I'm not allowed beyond the pasture.'

'We have to cross the western mountains to reach the coast. Its only a short pass but the ground is rocky and hard to navigate. We can't risk using the main roads either. We should be very near the pass by sunset.'

'Levi.'

'Yes Eren.'

'My butt hurts.'

'I'll hit it for you.'

'No!'

He's laughing. Eren may be used to the cold but he's looking pale. 

'Are you warm enough?'

'Yeah. Almost too warm in this cloak. Is it really wolf Levi?'

'Yeah. Before I came to the castle I earned a living hunting. Five years ago the winter in the mountains was especially long and cold. It drove packs of wolves down into the towns near river Sina. They normally avoid humans but it was still freezing by mid April and there was little food for them in their normal territory. One pack started in on the farms on the outskirts of our town. People swore they saw wolves stalking through the town centre in the dark. The sound of howling grew louder every night. After weeks of terror, the mayor offered three gold coins for each wolfs head. I was the only one to collect any reward.'

'Did you have to fight the wolves?'

'What? No. I used leg hold traps. Only took a week to get five. Would have brought more but they took down the reward. Something about me bankrupting the town council.'

'Wasn't it dangerous?'

'Most of hunting its just preparation and patience. If you know how your prey behaves and you are willing to wait then you can catch almost anything.'

'People said you're the best hunter the castles ever had.'

'Didn't count for much in the end though did it.'

'Levi… I think that everything will be fine. I feel like, if I'm with you, everything gonna be okay.'

'Yeah? Even though the whole kingdom will be looking for us?'

'Yeah. We just have to live in the mountains forever and never come down. You can hunt and I'll keep the animals. No one will ever find us.'

'Sounds like a fairy tale Eren.'

When I turn around he's yawning. 

'I'm the prince and you're the princess.'

'I can't even be a knight?' 

'Okay yeah. Hair as black as ebony, skin as white as snow.'

'What?'

'Its in a story. I can't remember the rest.'

His voice trails off. I focus on getting us round the undulating foothills, diverting round farmland and villages. Its late afternoon when I decide we need a break. We can push on another couple hours, there's a derelict mill deep in the woods, makes an okay campsite.

Shit, at least the kids quiet. Shit. Maybe he's too quiet. I look around to find him slumped over his horses neck, hands hanging. They are starting to lag behind as his horse tries her damn best to keep him from falling off. Yeah, time for a break. 

He's a little incoherent when I rouse him for some water and food. Kids so light he's nothing to lift. He's taller than me but can't weigh much more. Less, even. 

Eren's mostly limbs and big green eyes. And hair. The urge to comb his hair is growing stronger by the hour. Kids using his sleeve as a toothbrush again. Now he's poking it in his ear. Now he's rubbing his nose with it. I look away. I can't watch anymore. 

I have an Idea. I unsaddle Knox and transfer everything except his bridle onto Eren's horse. By time you include my saddle bags and short sword, altogether it weighs about the same as Eren. And the saddle can't fall asleep. Once Eren's done demolishing our food supplies, I bring Knox over to the tree stump Eren's currently falling asleep against. 

'Hey, wakeup. You can sleep on the way.'

'Really?'

I swing up onto Knox.

'Climb on behind me. Use the tree.'

'Won't Knox get tired?'

'He's used to it. Plus, I can't risk you falling off your horse and being left behind because you're fast asleep.'

'I wasn't sleeping.'

'Yeah, okay.'

I offer my hand and he clambers on behind me.

'Give me your hands. Round my waist'

He complies. I hold his hands together in my left, reins in the right. 

'See? You can lean against me and sleep, and you won't fall off.'

He tests it. I feel his head drop against my shoulder. His arms slacken. I cover our hands with my blanket cloak. 

'Okay?'

'Yeah.'

I feel him shift slightly. His pointy chin is poking shoulder. 

'Levi.'

'Yes Eren.'

'This is how the prince sits with his princess once he's rescued her.'

'Eren… this is another one of those conversations I want you to never repeat to anyone.'

Two hours later I've found the derelict mill and there is hardly enough light left to see my hand in front of my face. Its situated at the bottom of a steep valley. The only way in is through the dense old woodland that worms its way along the river. Up a head, we will have to ford the river at few points and walk the crumbly rock walls of the mountain pass. From here on out we are in the mountains, and there are no farms and villages from which we can seek help if anything happens. 

'Eren.'

I'm speaking gently.

'Eren, we are going to camp now.'

He's been asleep most of the journey. I've kept his arms around me to steady him. In return, he's kept me exceedingly warm. I give his hands a tug. He twists his head from one side to the other. I can feel his forehead sliding against my back. He gives a little 'humph.' as he sits up. He grabs my hips to steady himself. I curse when he digs his pokey fingers in. 

'Sorry.'

I'm waiting patiently for him to slide down so I can prepare a tent. He just stretches, pressing his middle into my back. When he relaxes he reaches both arms around me and clasps his hands, pinning my arms to my sides. 

'Eren.'

'Thank You. Levi.'

He's mumbling into my neck. The contrast between his hot breath and the freezing air makes me shiver. 

'Your welcome…'

Still waiting. 

'As prince of this kingdom, I can confirm you are a good and kindly knight.'

'Thanks. Now lets go to bed.'

Finally he slides down, and waits for me to dismount also before unsaddling his horse. Who is apparently called Daisy. 

'Round here. We can set up in the inglenook. Keep out of the wind.'

'Kay.'

Eren walks to the river and crouches, washing his hands and face. Daisy and Knox follow him. They both look tired. All that's left of the mill is some half standing walls, partial cellar and a large fireplace. The massive stone lintel is deeply cracked and the flue is filled with branches and thick vines. The hearth though, is smooth stones, and I'm busy covering them with a thick layer of pine branches. We will both fit with a little room to spare. Its like a tiny manmade cave. I'll cover the entrance once we are both settled. 

Both sides of the inglenook fireplace have small in-set cupboards and I fill both with our meager supplies. My bow and sword rest towards the back, partially poking up the chimney. I'm working under moonlight now. Thank god its a full moon. Shame there's no wood dry enough for a fire. 

I join Eren at the river where he's stood hugging Daisy. Probably for warmth. 

'Levi can we have something to eat?'

I'm washing my hands and face. Refilling the water skin. I'm starting to get cold now we aren't riding. Both our breath billows up toward the stars. Eren is looking at me and twisting his body side to side, swinging. The only sounds are the huffing of the horses. Even the river is quiet. 

'Yeah come on. Help me get some more branches. We are going to cover the entrance. Keep the heat in.'

'Kay.'

He easily snaps off more wide pine branches and we lean them against the mantle, forming a wall. When all that's left is a narrow gap I send Eren in before me and check the horses. They are sticking close to each other. Sharing warmth. I strip off my blanket and belts and crawl in next to Eren.

I can hardly see him in the darkness. I begin rearranging the leaning branches to fully cover our little cave. I sit cross-legged and spread the blanket over my lap. Eren shuffles over and attaches himself firmly to my side.

'What do you think.'

'Its wonderful. Levi.'

'Thanks. You little shit.' 

'Can we…'

'What? Oh yeah, hold on. I can't see shit.'

I can imagine his pouty pink lip, I don't have to see it. I find the food sack. I find two bread buns and sit them on my lap, I fish out the block of hard white cheese and a pouch of roast nuts. I complete the picnic with the water skin draped over our knees. While I'm busy Eren has draped the fur cape over both of us. I have already spread the saddle blanket over the pine floor. There is only a few slivers of moonlight glowing through onto us. The dense branches absorb the sound of our breathing. 

'Alright. Here. Bread and cheese.'

I place the bun in his cold hand. We are both shivering, but Eren feels like glowing embers next to me. 

'Thanks. You got some too?'

'Yeah, and we have a pouch of nuts. Chestnuts and walnuts I think.'

'Nice.'

We munch away, passing the water skin back and forth.

'I wish we had beer.'

'I wish we had a lot of things Eren.'

'I hardly ever get beer. Hanji sneaks me wine at Christmas.'

'Erwin makes beer at the monastery. You can have all you want. He loves looking after runts like you.'

'It sounds amazing.'

We are finished the bread and cheese so I dig out some nuts.

'Here, we'll have five each okay.'

I find his cupped hands in the darkness. He gives a little murmur of thanks. His bony knee is working itself against mine. 

'Levi its cold. I wish we had the dogs with us.'

'You sleep with the hunting dogs?'

'Of course.'

I can hear him crunching the nuts. He's moving constantly, shoving his hands around. Jiggling his feet. He sniffs and I feel him swipe his nose with his sleeve.

'Done eating? Wanna get organized?'

'Huh?'

'Get ready for sleep.'

All we have is the saddle blanket underneath us, my blanket and the fur cape. And lots of pine branches. I wiggle down onto my back, pushing into the dense branches. I can almost stretch out fully before my toes hit stone. I make sure the saddle blanket is still spread flat 

'Alright lie down next to me Eren. Don't mess up the blanket.'

'Kay.'

He lays on top of me. 

'No. Eren. I need to fix the capes.'

'S'okay. I got it.'

Eren carefully wraps the saddle blanket round our feet, layers on the blanket cape, then tosses the wolf skin over the whole mess. The width of the fur cape covers us both head to toe. Not bad really. He settles over me again and sighs, pushing out his breath against my neck. I suppose this is fine. He's not very heavy. He's wriggling though. A bony knee is threatening my thigh. Without warning, two frozen hands slide under my shirt. 

'Eren!'

I hiss angrily and he laughs, then shoves them further round to my back. 

'Sorry, I forgot you weren't a dog.'

'You bitch.'

He laughs again and shuffles. Heat is radiating from his chest into mine. I can't stay pissed. Are kids always this warm? His head settles next to mine, I can smell hay in his hair and walnut on his breath. Each inhale gently pushes his ribs against mine. I pull my hands free from my sides and slide them between our stomachs. Eren had the right idea. The pine boughs are cradling us both so I am not quite flat on my back and I can breath despite Eren's determined effort to crush me. 

Neither of us are shivering anymore. Eren's almost stopped nudging me with errant toes and elbows. I am thinking about the road ahead. Planning the route in my minds eye. Except, I have to consider Eren now. Will he be warm enough as we climb to higher ground? Will our few bits of bread and crumbling cheese be enough to keep our speed up? I consider hunting our breakfast. Scavenging some dry wood and building a fire. 

'Levi.'

Erens speaking quietly and taking slow even breaths. He shifts his head and presses his lips just behind my ear, leaving a little wet patch. 

'Thank you for looking after me.'

We are only laying together out of necessity. Shit. I am not enjoying having his thigh pressed between mine. His hands on my back are not endearing. That little kiss was not sweet. Its pretty awful how his soft hair brushes my cheek. 

I wake up because I'm too hot. It takes me a good few minutes to figure out I'm not in the barracks with my cott sat too close to the fire. Pine smell. Hot little hands. Its pitch black so I try to settle in again. There isn't enough room to move away from Eren so I just sit up slightly and let some air in between us for a moment. One of his hands is still firmly stuck to my side. I shift so we are both lying on our sides face to face. I make sure his arms aren't caught up anywhere. He draws his hands up to his chest. I feel them. Still warm. 

I am not used to all this touching. People tend to leave me well alone. The kids at Erwins cling to me though, climb up on laps, grab hands. Erens much older than them of course. He has been rather neglected. Maybe he has no social awareness? Boundaries? Maybe its just me. Nothing wrong with a little cuddling between two men. Not like its another mans woman. No Levi, you are just looking after this innocent child. 

Erens shifting closer. He twists over and shoves his back against me. I adjust the blankets and put my head back down. He's making me too warm again. I turn so we are back to back. Perfect. 

When I wake up again I'm too hot. This time though the sun is casting a warm glow on the eastern sky. The tree line black most of the light but the sun may have even risen slightly. Eren's thrown a leg and an arm over me. Hot little puffs are hitting the back of my neck. I feel sorry for the poor horses and dogs. 

At this point I feel slick with sweat and this solidifies my plan to build a fire. Then I can wash. Amazing. I carefully disentangle myself. I take the woollen blanket and leave the fur over Eren. I quietly shift the pine branch door to the side a little. Now that there's light to see I fish our the water skin and my bow, arrows and knives. All whilst avoiding waking Eren. 

Sunrise. There are plenty of creatures this deep in the woods. Let go for the easy ones though. A pheasant panics and flaps wildly when I reach the crest of the valley. That will do. On my way back down I gather some mushrooms and some suitable branches for kindling and the spit. I ditch my bow and my taking and go in search of deadwood. A diseased tree proves a good source of dry firewood.

The sky overhead is cold green blue when I get the campfire started. There's only a little frost on the grass but it feels like spring is a ways off. I'm prepping the pheasant. I wash the meat and mushrooms in the river. By time the fires ready to cook anything the first rays of sun are glinting off the dew and wet river rocks next to our shelter. I'm running the pheasant through with a long stick when Eren emerges. He drags the fur cape with him, blinking hard in the glinty golden light. He makes a visit to some bushes nearby then plops down beside me, throwing the cape over both our shoulders. 

He's brought the water skin. We pass it back and forth. We both hold the mushrooms on sticks over the fire to cook them. As each stick-full is ready I poke it into the ground to cool. Eren nibbles on his, unable to wait. The pheasant doesn't take long. All the mushrooms have been eaten however. 

'I thought we could have a wash before we head out. Whilst the fires still hot.'

'Ugh. Yes. I feel so sticky.'

The sunlight is bathing Eren in gold. His eyes are gold, his hair. 

'Do you want to be a prince Eren?'

He's thinking, watching the pheasant as I rotate it slightly.

'It hasn't brought me any joy so far.'

I suppose not no. I'm not exactly bothered about being a knight of the realm. Hasn't brought me any happiness. Erens hand finds mine. I figure he's going to do something but he just holds it and stares into the flames. I am unsure of how to proceed. 

'Eren, let the bird cool okay? I'm gonna go wash. We'll use the blanket to dry off then sit by the fire a while okay?'

I take the pheasant off the heat of the fire and hand him the spitroast stick to hold. He lets go of my hand. Knox and Daisy are grazing a little further along the river where the longer grass grows. I strip off, hanging my clothes on a tree limb. I'm in and out. I scrub my hair for as long as I can stand. My hands and feet go numb pretty quickly. I quickly wrap the blanket around myself, grab my clothes and head back to the heat of the fire. 

Eren laughs when he sees me barefoot, wrapped only in the blanket, hair dripping. 

'You look unhappy Levi.'

'I'm frozen idiot.'

I stick my hands and feet closest to the fire. 

'Come on, lets eat this then it's your turn. The blanket will be drier by then.'

I tear apart the pheasant. Its fatty and tough but the breast meat is passable. Could have done with a few weeks hanging in the cellar. I turn around to let the fire heat my back. When he's done eating, which is no time at all, he stands and stretches. Eren doesn't bother moving downstream. He strips and leaves his clothes by the fire. Little shit has no shame. I realize he going to want the blanket pretty quick so I pull everything back on. I'm still slightly damp. Terrible. 

When I look up Erens stood in front of me, butt naked. Oh right, he wants the blanket. I fling it over to him, and he hugs it around his shoulders. I feel slightly awkward watching him dry off so I decide to tease him. 

'It's your fault I need a bath you know. You give off too much heat.'

'Really? I was pretty chilly all night. I'm glad you don't mind me staying so close.' 

'By close you mean, on top of.'

He looks at his feet and I start to feel kind of bad. 

'It's okay Eren. The orphans at Erwins always want to share beds. I'm used to it.'

'I bet they don't do it at sixteen though.'

Not really, but. 

'Levi…I haven't had anyone really look after me before. The other staff helped my out when they could, but they had their duties. I can't really remember being with my father. I remember a big bed with a fireplace and red sheets. I remember my stepmother being cold to me. I guess my point is…Even though we are on the run and its scary and I don't know what will happen, I feel safe with you. It's not just me anymore.'

He's getting sentimental. As he's talking I watch glistening drops of water run down his face and neck.

'It makes sense though doesn't it Eren. As a knight of the realm I have a responsibility to protect the prince. It's an honour to serve you, oh naked one.'

He laughs. He's bathed in golden light. 

'I forgot you were sixteen Eren. I remember when you were born. The local church held a celebration.'

'You remember that? When my mom was still alive?'

'Yeah course. I was eighteen when you were born, I was with Erwin by then. I met your parents though. In court. Before I ran away.'

'You knew my parents? What where they like?'

'They were very gentle and kind. I remember them in a kind of golden light. The King and Queen were well loved. My father was happy to serve them.'

Eren nods and closes his mouth. 

'Levi! you're so old!'

'Why? How old did you think I was?'

'Eighteen.'

I don't know whether to feel happy or insulted about that. I must have pulled a face because Eren backtracks.

'I thought you were just super mature and responsible for your age.'

'I know I'm not very tall but…'

He rushes over and grabs my hands. 

'Actually now that I look closely, you look really old, yeah. You have lots of lines.'

'Get off me you little shit.'

I jerk my hands away. He's laughing, white teeth glinting. I feel his laughter in my chest. He looks so much like his mother. I don't think I'll tell him that though. He grabs my shoulders. His blanket/towel/cape is threatening to fall off. 

'Don't worry Levi. I don't think your too old to play with.'

'Get dressed idiot. I'm packing up.'

He's laughing still. He's taller than me. I don't know if to move away or not. Eren causes me a lot of confusing feelings. His little nose is pink with the cold. He holds me still with one hand and reaches up with the other. He runs his fingers over my dripping hair. What's he doing. I'm starting to feel awkward again, but I can't think of anything to say. 

'I like your hair.'

Ummm, thanks? His eyes are roaming over my face. Eren is really oblivious to my awkwardness. 

'If I was king, you would be my guard. Because you're the strongest.'

He's petting my hair. He's probably forgot I'm not a dog. Again. He has the emotional maturity of a six year old. Oh wait, he's looking at me very intensely. I'm not sure why.


	7. Skin as White as Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erens POV. Just a short one. Eren's chapters will get shorter as his mental condition deteriorates, and Levi becomes the main narrator. Please remember that some chapters will overlap each other, as the events are told from both perspectives. Sometimes the narrators will contradict each other.

Skin as White as Snow.

I can't help it. I hold is arm for a moment to keep him still. Levi's skin is so white and flawless. My skin always looks so mottled and scruffy. Even when his hairs wet it slicks down in even, silky threads of midnight black. He seems so steady, like an old oak, but when he moves, he moves with the quickness and unpredictability of a leaf caught in wind. Even his breathing is steady, like that of a cat sleeping in the warm sunlight with one eye open. 

I've wondered about him for the last year. Admiring the way his feet swivelled his boots around on the courtyard stones. The way he wore his clothes, the way he seems sad. When I look at him I feel a seductive kind of sadness, like how it feels to gaze out the window on a rainy day. 

I didn't talk to him because I didn't want to get him in trouble. But now no ones watching and I just can't stop looking. Does no one else see what I see? When the wizard guy announced he was the fairest I was relieved. I am not the only one who thinks so. Isn't it just so obvious? The way his forearms move fluidly down to delicate, steel hands. His eyes that try to lull me into sleep. 

On dark early mornings, his footsteps would make me up. Sometimes, on cold days, a mist would lay so thickly on the yard I could barley see the castle gates. He would mount Knox, a shadow figure atop a black void, and disappear into the grey as if he never really existed at all. On those days I would feel unsettled until he returned, very real looking, against a grey sky. 

He appeared last year. He attracted little attention. Hanji said he brought her the best game she had ever seen. Said she had her work cut out for her, slicing up so much hog, fish and small game that she had to draft in extra help. I would occasionally overhear the guards and soldiers talking about Levi. They thought he was a spy for General Kenny Ackerman. Why else would a person of such high birth choose to serve as a huntsman. I got the feeling they avoided, but some how revered him. 

Oh shit. Now he's so close, I can't keep myself away. He hasn't pushed me away yet. But he hasn't pulled me any closer either. I think if he just leaned in a little I would slowly vanish like the stars at dawn. Only the air itself knows such lightness of being. The early sun makes Levi look transparent and cold. Ice. The light is a lively spirit that moves between us, shimmers over his face and pulls hands of steam from the river beside us. 

I have never know peace like this. Dreams from the night have turned inside out and follow me, hands held over my eyes, as I feel my way through daylight hours. Like a drunk that stays to watch the sunrise I am a nocturnal creature that has absconded from its realm into the heat of day. My eyes were not meant to see such brilliance. My fingers are too briny with darkness to touch the surface of a crystalline being. 

Shear, unbounded cold encompasses everything, and the only heat is my fingers on Levi's skin. Silence surrounds us and guards us, keeping us close. The only evidence of life is the gentle puffs of breath that encircle us both. 

I just need a little bit more. I sigh and drop my hands. I am tired and overwhelmed with feeling. 

'Eren you're going to freeze to death. Put your damn clothes on.'

I smile at him. I hope he knows how much I like him. I hope it shows on my face. I don't have the words you see. No one taught them to me. 

As I dress I steal glances at him. He kicks down our pine door. Saddles Knox. I watch with interest as he inspects his bow and sword. He washes his knives in the river. He combs back his hair and ties it. He scrubs at his teeth with a scrap of cloth. Pushes a splinter of wood under his nails, cleaning them. He doesn't look at me at all.


	8. Piety and the Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kissing Practice! Eren takes it too far and Levi gets mad.

Piety and the Prince 

Eren's holding my face in his hands. I can't tell if he's actually an idiot or some kind of divine being trying to deliver me a holy message. Maybe he is a devil. Grasping hands. With every gentle touch, leading me further down a desolate path, into woods that are long withered away. 

I don't pray. I have no faith in god. But Erens pink lips are making me think of silent prayers whispered into unyielding stone floors, hands clasped, knees aching with effort. His mouth spills silence as assuredly, emphatically, reverently, as a catholic priest that spins gold sermons from the straw of dry crumbling bibles. 

I want to repent my sins and be washed in the gold green lakes of his eyes. What the fuck is wrong with me. When did thoughts of god and angels ever haunt my wakeful hours. Erwin says the devil exposes the weakness of man and glorifies it. A pious man lives to serve god and forgoes all earthly pleasure. I never really thought about it until now. What it is to sin. To act as an animal acts, mindless, ignorant of higher thought. 

I feel mindless right now. I feel like I'm being tested. I don't know how else to explain the pull. My chest is being tugged, like Eren has his fingers between my ribs, hooking them through, grazing my heart. What kind of god allows such a being. Something that exists to only tempt. Only to be fucked hard against a stone wall. Shit did I really just think that. We need to get to Erwins. I think I need church. I going to start praying today, immediately. God help me. 

He lets go of my face with a great sigh and drops his hands, blanket swinging back into place. I tell him to get dressed. He needs to. For his own safety. I ignore Eren completely and pack everything up. No way we are sharing Knox again.

I've cooled significantly by time we are ready to go. Erens sat staring at the embers of the fire, he doesn't look up when I walk over. Before I get all the way there I remember what was bothering me. I retrieve my comb. I sit down next to Eren. 

'Here.'

I offer my comb. I made it myself out of horse bone. 

'Thanks!'

He smiles brightly, and makes an attempt at his thick locks. A valiant effort, but there is little change. I sigh and take the comb back.

'Does it look good?'

'Looks the same to be honest.'

'Oh.'

I stand and offer my hands. He grabs them and actually pulls, heaving himself up. He lets himself fall against me, wraps his arms around me tightly, says thanks in a clear young voice, then skips over to his horse. I am wondering how I could ever see him as anything but angelic. Until I mount Knox and turn to look at him. He smiles crookedly, teasingly, with a closed mouth, then laughs low and sweet as I frown. I feel him looking at me with his devil eyes all the way through till noon. We stop on the slope of a grassy hill, sheltered from the wind. We have a bread roll each, cheese and the last of the nuts. It's cold, we have little food and I am sick of being on horseback.

'Levi, have you ever kissed anyone?'

I regret bringing him with me. What fresh hell is this.

'Yes, lots of people. I'm fucking... 34 Eren.'

I should have let Dok kill me.

'Have you ever kissed a princess?'

I should of let Dok kill him.

'What? Like in a stories, like when the princess needs true loves kiss to wake her up?'

'Yeah. But for real.'

I think hard. I have kissed a princess. Maybe more than one. There are more of them about then you think. Parties at various foreign palaces, the young adults sneak off, things happen that can be chalked up to good foreign diplomatic relations. I realize I am playing into his trap. I let nothing go.

'Yes. But it wasn't true love, so I stayed a frog.'

'What about a prince?'

'I've kissed a prince. But it wasn't true love, so he stayed a frog.'

He laughs at this. 

'Levi, what if I was a frog?'

I am exasperated and running out of jokey things to say.

'Eren are you trying to get me to kiss you?'

'No!'

'Are you trying to ask if you can kiss me?'

He thinks about this. Well, his eyes narrow, so I assume he's thinking. Maybe he doesn't ever really think at all, and his hair smells like hay because that's what his brain is composed of. He opens his mouth, I hope he speaks before he catches a fly. Like a real frog. 

'I just…I've been thinking about it. Because I am sixteen soon and I would have had a princess to kiss. But instead I'm well…here.'

'I guess that's normal at your age. Thinking about stuff like that. All the time.'

'I don't want to go the rest of my life without…you know.'

'Shit. Eren, don't worry about it. You might not find a princess, but even if you aren't a prince anymore you can still find a suitor. Okay? Life will go on I swear to you.'

'But what if…I want to…kiss…you?'

'Do you really want to, Eren? Or are you just sixteen and desperate?'

'No! I've thought you were nice for…a while.'

Poor kid. No wait. Shitty brat. 

'Okay.'

I crawl closer and position myself in front of Eren. He looks confused.

'Okay?'

'Sit up.'

He sits on his knees, hands shoved between his legs.

'Stay still.'

I lean in, one hand on his cheek. 

'Close your eyes.'

He sucks in a breath like he's going underwater. I go slowly. I place a chaste kiss on his lips. There, done. Easy. He exhales in a huff. I sit back. Our knees are still shoved together. 

'No.' Eren says flatly.

'What, sorry?'

'That wasn't any good.'

'Fuck off. How would you even know? I'd like to see you do better.'

This was the wrong thing to say, you see. 

'That's not like what I thought.'

'Nothings like what you think Eren. I'm not convinced you have ever had a normal thought in your life.'

'I want to try again.'

I consider saying no. What would Erwin do? Erwin would probably recommend an exorcism.

'How long is this going to take because we are supposed to be on the run here.'

He's already brought his hand to my cheek, his other is holding himself up as he leans forward. 

'Not long.'

He's fluttering his eyes and breathing walnut scent all over my face. I refuse to respond when he presses his lips against mine. He tries again, tilting his head to get a better angle. 

'You have to kiss back, it doesn't count otherwise.'

He's such a shit. He slides one hand to my jaw the other rests heavily on my thigh, so he can lean in. I open my mouth to speak, but this is a mistake. He takes advantage and catches my bottom lip with his tongue, then pecks the side of my mouth. He keeps placing wet little kisses all over my lips. Everything's starting to feel a little hazy and warm. When I open my eyes, his are closed. When I kiss him back he hums and licks again. 

Shit. We are doing it properly now. Eren's not giving in. I relax. Eren's pushing hard on my chest. He breaks the kiss and breaths, eyes closed. He grips his hands either side of my face, possessively.

'Just a bit longer yeah?'

He's pleading with me. I have no breath to say no with. Hot little tongue again. Hot little hands on my neck. I'm getting tired. Eren seems to sense this. I let him push me down onto my back. This is a mistake. He's on me, sitting on my waist, hands pressing into the grass either side of my face. 

'Eren.'

'Yeah, just a sec.' 

He hunches over me, lips and tongue on my jaw, my ear, his breath in my hair. I'm starting to realize what's happening. This is not just a kiss. I have been tricked. Weren't we just talking about frogs or something? I want to speak but his mouth is on my throat. I can feel his teeth. He's nuzzling me, breathing me in. There is a hay smell, but an Eren smell too, almost like runny honey, ash, oil or wax and something tangy like overripe berries. Warm bread. Slick mouth tasting of walnuts.

I didn't realize my hands are on his back. The back of his neck. Fingers working into his hair as we resume kissing again. Why don't we just do this all the time. Why haven't we up till now? A voice is shouting me awake. Oh yeah, that's why. I have to grab his hand as moves it between his legs. His other is still propping him up over me. He actually jerks his hand out of my grasp and goes for my crotch instead. 

'Eren!' I say rather dangerously. He freezes, but narrows his eyes, challenging me. Our faces are still close. He sits up and I don't let go of his wrist. Still straddling me, he clasps his free hand around my neck, flexing his fingers. His expression softens. He looks into my eyes then watches his hand drag roughly down my chest. He looks totally gone. Like, Eren doesn't live here anymore sign hanging on the front door. When he reaches where our bodies meet his eyes flick up to mine. I have to grab that wrist too. He relaxes both arms and sinks against me slightly. I don't let go. 

I am watching his face carefully. He shifts like he's going to get up off of me. But his eyes flick up to mine again, then he rolls his hips, grinding against me. I hiss. I tighten my grip on his wrists and he laughs, light and breathy. 

'Eren. Stop.'

He arches his back. He remains kneeling but bends backward till his head is touching the ground. He's breathing heavy. I have been dragged up as I refuse to let go of his arms. He twists his head so he can look at me. He's smiling. He's just breathing and smiling at me. I release his wrists. He lets them fall either side of him. He still has my legs pinned. 

'Get up.'

He doesn't move. He can't be comfortable in that position. I have to drag him up into a sitting position by his arms. He's a dead weight. I shove him off me sideways and he rolls onto the grass, not bothering to catch himself. He's just laying there, expressionless. 

'What the fuck Eren.'


	9. Romantic Cave Setting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren dials it up to 11.

Romantic Cave Setting

I just fucked up. Levi let me kiss him and by the look on his face right now I probably took it too far. I like him so much. I like the way he feels. I like when he tells me what to do. But he would't be Levi if he just sat back and let me do what I wanted. I'm mad though. I thought we were doing pretty well there. 

Yeah I played up the sad, abused, prince without a crown thing. Levi's a hero type so he eats that shit up. Shit he's hot. But now he's angry with me. Maybe he knows I lied about the kissing. 

I'm bored of him being angry so I apologize. Its okay. He says. He feels bad because he's older than me and feels like he's taken advantage of the situation. He's back on Knox and moving away. I feel a pang of something. I leave it a while before speaking again. When he turns to watch me I try to look sad. 

By nightfall we have almost left the mountains. Levi says it will only take another couple hours tomorrow morning to reach the monastery. Because we have been idle, we are behind schedule. This is what he tells me. Tonight we are in an actual cave. Its not in a mountain, like I thought it would be. Its underground, hidden among winding vines and roots. The horses have plenty to graze on. 

He's still being quiet with me. I crave him so much. I know if I push too hard he will get angry again. I'll pull him to me. He's resting against the stone wall. The floor of the cave is littered with soft dry leaves and pine needles. 

'Levi?'

'Yeah.'

I keep my voice neutral. I'm sitting a little ways back. Giving him space. We are sheltered from the weather but its still cold down here. 

'I just wanted to let you know I am sorry about earlier. I get afraid sometimes…that you're going to leave me. And I won't know how to get back. I know you wouldn't do that but…I'm not used to this. Being close to someone. I miss the horses. I miss the castle. Hanji too. I have so little control. I won't do it again. No more kissing. I'm really sorry.'

He's silent for a while. I worry that I went to far. I was being sincere. Other than the no kissing part of course. I have the wolfskin cloak. Advantage Eren.

'I'm coming over kay. We can share the cape.'

I crawl over slowly. There is only a sliver of evening light eking its way into the cave. I arrive at Levi's side and wait. 

'Alright. Come on.'

He spreads out the saddle blanket on the floor. We both crawl on top. I cover our feet he throws his his cape blanket over us. I layer the fur on top. I keep a respectful distance. Only our sides are touching. Both face up, our breaths puff into the air. In the dark he can't see my eyes. But he can hear my voice. I speak as softly as possible.

'Levi. Whats Erwin like.'

'He's…tall.'

'He's not, like, scary, is he?'

'Quite the opposite.'

'Oh. Its just, you can be pretty scary sometimes, so I thought maybe your friends would be too.'

He grunts at this. I find his hand and hold onto it. 

'Levi is it okay? Like this?'

He grunts again.

'Your hands are freezing Levi'

I'm whispering. I reach for his other hand. He lets me. 

'Come on. You can put them on me. You said I'm always warm right.'

I pull him over on his side. I draw his arms around me, arranging his hands under my shirt onto my bare chest. I wiggle back into him, our bodies flush. I let out a little sigh.


	10. Who Else Have You Kissed?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I need to keep this child away from others. I have been chosen by god to tame this demon. I am being tested. Warning! Underage kissing.

Who Else Have you Kissed Like This?

I sleep fitfully. When I wake up for the final time I find Eren facing me with an arm over my neck. Our legs are tangled. There is a weak glow of light, just enough to illuminate the walls. I wait a few moments. Eren looks serious in his sleep, brows drawn, lips shut but pouty. One of his hands is between us, fingers laced in mine. He looks cherubic.

Its a sharp contrast to yesterday. Yesterday his lips curled like a wolfs. Eyes half lidded, he watched me for any openings, any sign of weakness. What the fuck. I cast my mind back to Eren before the ambush. Quiet and determined, pretty face watching the horses. Delicate hands, pushing around the broom like a lost soul. His eyes used to follow me. I thought they did so out of fear. Maybe they didn't. Little shit. 

I can't pretend the attention isn't welcome. My usual suiters are loose women in bars, rough soldiers. I can't remember anyone like Eren. I remember a cousin, who at the tender age of eleven decided we were going to get married. Being not much older at the time, I let him carry out his little game with me. 

I remember his long black hair swishing round his pale face, his laugh swallowed up by the rows of plum trees in the garden. He picked a ripe fruit, took a bite, then past it to me, saying once it was eaten we would be married and we could run away to fight with the army. I ate the plum because he was forceful and beautiful, and he watched me with dark eyes. Before I could swallow the last piece he leaned in and stole it from my mouth with his tongue. 

I remember his hands all over me, pushing me down. We are married now he said, so we had to kiss. The deepening gold of the setting sun created dark green shadows all around us. In the cool quiet of the orchard we wrestled and kissed until we were breathless and overheated, to tired to continue. Wrung out and straining with desires we were too young to understand, we decided to run back to the house and play with wooden swords instead. 

I didn't see him again till a few years later. His family came to visit for the summer months. He was tall and strong looking, silky black hair tied in a knot, his face caught between a mans and a child's. Through dinner he watched me with his dark eyes and smiled. When the adults retreated to the fireplace to talk I was dragged upstairs. We fucked, rather desperately in the dark and quiet of the small upstairs bedroom. This depraved behaviour continued for the rest of the summer. 

Remembering is making me horny. There is no way. Not in this fucking cave. Eren's breath hitches and his hand twitches in mine. His eyes remain closed but his face changes. He murmurs something and shifts closer, winding his fingers into my hair, messing it up. His eyes flutter open and his expression is bland, maybe sad. He takes a deep breath through his nose and huffs. When he looks up his eyes hold me in a steady, meaningless gaze as if he's looking right through me. 

'Did you even sleep at all?'

It takes me a moment to remember that this mercurial demon is capable of some what normal speech. His persistent demon fingers are in my hair, twisting. 

'Not really.'

'Is it my fault?'

'Yes.'

There is absolutely no remorse showing on his face. Instead he watches my mouth with great intent. He rubs his eyes, still gripping my hand. 

'Who else have you kissed like that.'

He keeps his hands where they are, but relaxes them, like he's giving up. Its a minute before he responds, I can't read his face. He sighs and his eyes skim around my features, our hands. The hand in my hair resumes its ministrations. 

'Jean.'

Bit of a bomb thrown there. What.

'The tall blonde? Kirschstein? His father is a Lord?'

'Yeah. He's a royal guard. Doesn't really do much work at all.'

'I know him. Did he…force himself on you? Did he hurt you?

'No. I caught him looking. I was washing horses in the river. Naked. He was slacking off. As usual. I called him out and told him the scullery maid is gagging for it, if he wanted to get his dick wet. He argued with me then stalked off. Next time I saw him he was drinking beer in the gardens. I wandered over and kind of gave him the eye. I asked for some of his beer and when he gave me it I downed it all. He got angry, I could't be bothered with arguing so I put my hand down his pants, then he turned me over and fucked me hard against the ground.'

What kind of filth…

'I thought he hated you.'

'He probably does. Doesn't stop him though.'

'You said you didn't want to turn sixteen without kissing anyone.'

'Well he never actually kissed me. I don't think he likes my face. Always had me bent over sommmmumph...'

I have to clamp my hand over his mouth. Put an end to the stream of filth before god actually sends lightning from the actual sky to kill us both. I will arrange the exorcism my self, forget Erwin. I can feel him smiling. I feel his tongue swipe across my palm. Gross.

When I pull my hand away he rearranges his face into a mask of innocence. 

'Eren, I am kind of afraid of what would happen if you were king.'

'I would keep you with me.'

He answers instantly.

'What if I didn't want to serve under you.'

'I would take your title.'

'And what if I still didn't comply.'

'I would keep you anyway.'

I don't know if he thinks he's being romantic or not.

'How long have you felt this way.'

'Forever.'

I need to keep this child away from others. I have been chosen by god to tame this demon. I am being tested. Maybe if I chop off its head… He breaths, lips apart, mouth wet. I think he's worked a leg further between mine when I wasn't paying attention. I can smell pine tar and hot beeswax. His hair is musky and sweet. Like honey and the fur of warm little animals. 

Pulling away feels like falling on a sword. He has his fingers gripping my ribs again. How dare he open up my chest like this. I have to walk around with the skin flayed from my chest. The thought makes me angry and this fuels my drive to sit up and find the water skin. 

I need to get to Erwins. I need a fucking priest. Erens stretching and following me with sleepy eyes. I am too old for this. Everything aches. My Eren based pain relief only functions under close proximity. My thoughts return to me also. My brain resumes normal function. I remember that I was up to much worse by time I was his age. I try to forgive him a little. This is a mistake.


	11. A High Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Suicide attempt! You can skip this chap if needed, you will still be able to follow the story after.

We are both munching on bread and cheese and its just the most boring thing. My mind flits from trauma to trauma. I am a lizard that eats and sleeps in caves. I am a man that thinks and feels. I am an animal that fucks and flees from danger. Thats what we are doing, fleeing. We are reduced in our flight. In our fear we are diminished and do not stand erect as men, but crouch and naw at what scraps of nourishment we can find. 

I feel like killing something. I want to grip my hand around Levi's neck and squeeze. I wouldn't kill him of course. I will just kill the parts of him that resist. With a sharp enough knife you can cut through an animal and make it more whole than it was before. A rabbit fulfils a higher purpose by being eaten. Inside a predator, small lives are more than the sum of their parts. Weakness drives a hot furnace that consumes and purifies, it makes no sense to be afraid. Some things are born to die, and some things are born to be killed. Some things were born to kill.

As I watch Levi, I imagine myself as a rabbit. I am shot and killed by him. I am skinned and eaten. Its a ridiculous thought, but I entertain it because its easy to imagine ridiculous things. Real intention is harder to predict. I can't predict him as I can others. His eyes really give nothing away. Even when his pulse beats franticly against my fingers. 

Cruelty is not simple, its messy and leaves marks. The queens guards leave marks. Levi is not cruel. Levi would not leave my rabbit self in a snare to wither and die. Levi would use both hands to snap my neck. Levi would pierce my fluttering heart straight through. But I am not a rabbit. And I don't think I have a heart. Thats why I just feel alternating cold and warmth in my gut. Between my legs. 

I look for the shimmering gold leaf that edges the storybook of my life. The designs on the page are flat and dark. I try to find the page where the princess wakes up. I stare and stare at the page where they kiss but I can discern nothing of meaning from the mess of tangled ink. The closer I look the more the letters jumble. 

The story is supposed to be about a prince that slays a dragon and marries a princess. I can only find chapters of war and hard journeys. Snippets of dialogue that seem torn from other books. The important parts are ripped out. All the illustrations are missing. The spine is broken and the cover missing. 

I do not have the heart to swallow. I hold my bread in my mouth. I want to spit it out. Its like chewing mould. Its only when I remember Levi that I choke it down. He bought me this bread. And he paid for it with a little bit of his soul. I am breaking him down. I am buying each piece of him with my soul. He doesn't realize what he hands over, bit by bit. Maybe he does. Maybe he just underestimates its worth. 

In exchange for his golden soul I hand him pieces of glass. He thinks they are precious stones because how how they shimmer. I know they aren't because I mined them myself. One day he will offer these shards to someone else and they will laugh and tell him he has been tricked. No amount of polishing will turn glass into diamond. Levi's gold will be spent on something he wrongly assumes is precious. He will know the value of what he's given away and it will hurt him all the more. My gold was spent before I knew its worth. 

He's standing with Knox waiting for me. I walk over to him. His eyes watch me with suspicion. I don't really care anymore. I hold out my clammy hands filled with glinting stones. He assumes their value, and I do not correct him on his assumption. I can't even admit it to myself. 

There is a drizzle of rain. Branches overhead sag with fat beads of it. The horses wait impatiently, stamping their hooves on the soft forrest floor. I want more than anything to be clean and pure like this rain. 

Droplets glide softly down Levi's face. They cling to his dark lashes, shards of diamond in coal. In this light he is ethereal. He is a pale wraith that cuts though this soft world. He is a shadow of night that lingers through the morning and breaths cool stillness. Behind his eyes the stars gather and wait for the end of day. Maybe in his darkness I can hide and draw the stillness around myself like his wolfskin cloak. 

I close my eyes and inhale the wetness of the forrest. I come back to myself and find tears in my eyes. I hope Levi doesn't notice. My blinking and sniffing give me away. I choke on a sob and my knees give in, I land gracelessly on the ivy covered ground. I have to cover my face with my hands. Alone behind my eyes, I let myself cry and get it over with. I let everything tip over and spill. When I'm empty It's easier to pick myself up. 

Through my tears I can see Levi's boots amongst the glossy ivy. I gasp and splutter around sobs. My heart is hurting me, or maybe its the void where a heart is meant to be. 

'Levi I want you to go. Please.'

A renewed bout of crying and sobbing.

'I have tricked you and lied to you with every breath. I can't do it anymore. I'm staying here.'

I let myself slump forward, my head pressed into the ground. It feels good to let go. It feels good to prostrate myself before a higher being. I am looking forward to this feeling ending. Letting go. I look forward to being empty again. In my utter ruin I am transcended. I am an empty vessel. 

I can't open my eyes incase Levi is still there. I am afraid of him not being there. Minutes pass and I eventually slow my breathing. I can't hear anything other than the shiver of leaves. I move onto my back. I stretch me feet out to where Levi was standing. There's nothing there. Pain shoots through me and my chest rips. I am exposed. I cry into my hands. I cry hot tears into my hair. I dig my nails into my scalp. Inside me is a hollowness. I want to feel peace. 

Dizzy, I stand. An unrelenting dullness drags on my limbs. I am underwater. I need peace from this pain. I need a high place. It's this promise of relief that moves me forward. Through the trees I follow the upward slope of the land. I veer to the side. I can hear crashing water. Blinking in the bright sun, I leave the dark and quiet of the forrest. Shear cliffs descend into mist, the river follows them straight down into the froth. 

It's a sweet sight. I cry some more. I am so happy. There is no feeling like relief. Without torment we cannot know delight. I feel delight now. I can think of nothing better than the unyielding rocks at the bottom. Laughing I approach the edge. I desperately need this. I shut my eyes tight and let myself fall. 

My stomach lurches. I'm thrown to the ground. I land hard on my back. Confused, I sit up. I move towards the edge again, I have to crawl. I'm getting annoyed. I kick back at whatever is holding me and run forward. I have almost made it when something grabs my wrist and I feel my shoulder pop. 

Shit. The sudden physical pain hits me like a kick to the head. I can't move my arm. I flop down. Agony.

'Eren? I think you dislocated your shoulder.'

I can't speak, I can shout though. 

'I'm gonna pop it back in.'

What? No please don't touch my arm. I yell. Something strong holds me down, rotates my arm. Pop. I scream. I'm crying again. I don't know whats worse, the sound or the sensation. Everything goes black. 

When the pain rushes in again, I'm laid on my back, the sky seems a long way off. Rushing water. My shoulder aches in a firm, dull way. A very grinding, swollen, painful way. I grit my teeth and squirm. I'm feeling quite sick. I can't sit up, my heads too light. I want to throw up but I'm too tired. Plus, I can't move. I bring my knees up, sliding my feet across the gravel. I flop a knee back and forth, to distract myself from the pain. I'm sweating, I'm far to hot. With my good arm I unbuckle the wolfskin. I push it aside. My hands shaking. 

'Oh. You're awake.'

I can only make a strangled sound, something like aaargh. I'm too hot, I can feel sweat on my brow and back. My mouth is dry. When I touch my face its wet and cold. I cool hand covers mine. It leaves and is replaced by two cool hands holding my face. Pretty blissful. I only have the energy to push my chest in and out, nothing else. Cool hands stroking my hair. Pushing it back off my forehead. This is the sweet relief I craved. I start to cool. I feel rushes of joy. The pain fades a little. 

I move to sit up and the hands help me, drawing me up. I register that its Levi, but I can't really process anything other than vague confusion. The water skin is placed in my good hand. I am helped to drink. It mostly goes well and I cough a little. I am allowed to rest my head on his shoulder. One hand is on the back of my sweaty neck. 

'I don't understand. I thought you left.'

'You asked me to leave. I did leave, I just didn't go far. I waited for you. You seemed so broken. I thought you just needed some time.'

He pauses.

'When you got up I figured you were trying to find me so I followed. I left the horses. You were talking to yourself. You seemed so angry. I called out to you and you just kept going. I thought you were just ignoring me. When you broke through the trees you went straight to the ledge... I didn't realize what you were doing till you got too close. You were laughing.'

I do remember all this, but I'm pretty sure someone else was doing it, not me. 

'I grabbed you and you kicked me and went to the edge again. You actually made it over. I dislocated your shoulder dragging you back up.'

His voice is just a whisper towards the end. I realize his hands are shaking. I pull back. His face is white, no colour in his lips. 

'It's back in place now. You just need to rest it a couple weeks.'

His cheek is scuffed, pricks of blood are just beginning to form. Did I do that? I move but he speaks. 

'Just. Stay here a second. Stay still.'

I freeze in place. He's looking past me, into the trees. I follow his eyes but he grabs my face and holds me still, looking at me. It hurts to look at him. I can feel his hands tremble against my temples. Our faces are pretty close, but his voice is low so I have to really listen to hear. 

'Are you okay? Do you need anything?'

I nod. I shake my head.

'I'm sorry.'

'I don't need you to be sorry. I just need you to listen to me. I just need to understand.'

I nod.

'Were you in pain?'

'My arm hurts.'

'Yes but before. Were you hurting. Is that why…'

I need a moment to think.

'I think so. I needed to do something. To find relief. I was really hurting. But it was in my chest Levi.'

'Right. Yeah.'

'I didn't really want to, you know, land at the bottom, I just knew I couldn't go on as I was. I really couldn't.' 

'Okay.'

He drops his hands. 

I move closer. 

'I'm okay. Now that you're back.'

I just want to forget about all this. I don't know how to move forward. I tentatively hold his arms. I notice long deep scratches on his forearms and hands. Blood is welling up.

'What happened to your hands?'

'From pulling you up.'

'And your cheek…'

He carefully prods the swelling and looks at his fingertips, slick with blood. 

'You kicked me to get away.'

'I'm sorry.'

He frowns. 

'I don't think you were yourself.'

He's slumped. He twitches every time I move. His hands are crumpled in his lap. 

'Are you okay?'

'You have broken me. With what you just did.'

I think I'm feeling shame.

'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm not blaming you. I just need you to know.'

He's not looking me in the eye.

'When you have pain like that Eren, it doesn't vanish when you do. You just pass it on to those who love you. Understand? It's just transferred. You leave it behind for everyone else to deal with.'

'I didn't want to hurt you.'

I can barley talk, I'm crying hard again.

'I thought you left me.'

I don't know if Levi caught that last bit because my voice is so hoarse. 

'I thought you left! I didn't want to pass the pain on I swear!'

'Okay. Its okay. I know. I'm angry with myself. I shouldn't have left you. I had no idea you felt so strongly. I had absolutely no idea.'

'But I told you! I told you I wanted to keep you close!'

Our arms are wrapped around each other. I'm sobbing into his shoulder. 

'I can't always be close Eren.'

'I know. I know.'

I feel like I've ruined everything. 

'Eren.'

'Yeah.'

'Lets go.'

I'm still crying when we find Daisy and Knox. I need a lot of help getting onto Daisy. Every move hurts. We are soon off the mountain and into the foothills. Levi says we have under an hour before we the Erwin at the Monastery.


	12. To Be or Not to Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To avoid any triggers start reading from the )()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()(
> 
> Eren’s suicide attempt from Levi’s POV. Then the aftermath of Eren’s meltdown. They arrive at the monastery and settle in. Levi has a talk with Erwin then goes to bed. He dreams that Eren is the king of hell. When he wakes up he goes to find Erwin and Eren.

To Be or Not to Be

Eren's mood swings from ecstatic imp to misery. He is morose as we eat breakfast. He's watching me and eating quickly, then he stops chewing and stares at the wall opposite. He smiles absently, then looks like he is about to burst into tears. I ask him if he's okay and he just grunts at me. 

I'm hoping he's calmed down by time we are ready to set off. I am packing up and saddling Knox when he finally appears from the cave. Uh oh. He looks lost and sad. Even I can tell that there is something going wrong in that confounding brain of his. Whatever is happening, it’s very un-Eren like. 

He moves his way over slowly, and stands in front of me. He's looking right through me. It's unnerving. When he leans closer, I am slightly afraid for some reason. Anxious maybe. I wait for him to start talking, holding my ground despite wanting to back away. He starts crying. I have no idea why. I can’t tell what he wants. He seems to be in pain. 

'Levi I want you to go. Please.'

He's choking on his words and sobbing.

‘Eren...what? Why?’

'I have tricked you and lied to you with every breath. I can't do it anymore. I'm staying here. I...I need you to go on ahead.' 

He's holding his arms around himself. He reaches out to me then suddenly drops to the floor. He's taking huge gulps of air. He shouts and screams into the ground. I realize he's screaming at me. He's screaming for me to leave. He begs me to go. Please, please go. I back away and he keeps shouting about how everything hurts. 

He's truly frightening. I have nothing to counter him with. He’s not giving me any chance to speak. I don’t really know what to say anyway. My proximity seems to be agonizing for him. I retreat further into the trees. Walking backwards and watching Eren. Knox follows me and Daisy follows Knox. He goes quiet after a few minutes. He's still for a long time, prostrate on the ground.

When he finally gets up I figure he's calmed down a little and I move toward him. Something about the look on his face makes me pause. He moves quickly in the opposite direction. He moves erratically and I struggle to follow him through the dense bush. I call out but he ignores me. 

When he reaches the waterfall my stomach begins to churn. He doesn't stop till he's right near the edge. In the few seconds it takes me to meet him he is wavering. I reach for Eren only to realize he is already stepping forward. I only just manage to hook my arm around him and throw us both backwards. He look furious. He scrambles up, kicks my face and tries for the edge again. 

He's actually falling when I grab his wrist. The force almost pulls me with him. I feel his shoulder pop. I'm not sure if I can even pull him up. He reaches for my hand only so scratch me deeply in an attempt to get away. I don't think I'll forget the look in his eyes. I actually consider letting go. Letting him get what he wants. I don't give in, I pull him up. I have to watch him incase he tries again. 

His shoulder is giving him too much trouble. He isn't moving much, just shouting and kicking his legs like a child. I move to his side. I think I'm in shock. Everything seems very distant and far away. I move automatically. I fix his arm. He screams and shouts, then he goes quiet. He's passed out. Five, ten minutes, I hold my head in my hands and try to gather my thoughts. It's like trying to catch minnows with my hands.

When he comes to, I am too angry and exhausted to talk. He seems like he's back. He pulls words out of me like thorns. I just want all this to end. I am too old to deal with this shit. He wants me to tell him I'll never leave again. He might as well jump of that cliff because I cannot say that. The shock is fading. I'm angry instead. I use what little energy I have left to get him onto daisy. He's still crying. I think I might want to cry. I try to, but nothing happens. 

)()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()(

When I spot the monasteries white walls on the hill I feel a weight lift from me. I avoid relationships for a reason. I am good at very specific things. Outside of the walls I have constructed for myself the world moves on and there is less and less space for me. My shelter becomes more and more important as the world around me collapses. I feel like my roof just caved in. 

We approach from the forest, the path furthest from the village. We dismount. Eren is weary with pain. I am weary with everything else. I wonder what I did in a past life to warrant this trauma. At least with Erwin I can relax. There is very little the man cannot do. He's one of the only people I trust with my life. Now Erens also. please take this little shit off my hands. Even just for a night. I just need a break from the intensity of feeling. 

It's been two years since I was last here at the monastery. I would rather be within these tall white walls than anywhere else in the world. Eren’s eyes swim in front of me whenever I close my eyes, so I keep them open and look for the blur of white through the trees. All the while I have Eren at my side, Daisies reins in my hands, keeping him close. I’m too overwhelmed to look at him directly to I steal sidelong glances. Every few minutes I picture Eren leaning over the edge and my stomach lurches. It’s making me feel sick

Eren is riding along silently, head tilted and eyes following the path just in front of us. Eventually, when the forest path becomes a paved drive he sighs and looks up. He has never been so silent for so long. The sound of the horses and a few small birds are the only accompaniments to our somber march. 

When we reach the heavy wooden doors, It's noon and the coastal sun is making me sweat. I feel sticky all over. Eren shifts nervously beside me, listening to the clicks and thuds of the doors bolts. The nuns use the side entrances usually and they are always left open, but we have approached from the front and I'll be damned if I am going any further than necessary. I am recognized, Eren is easily accepted in. He's with me after all, and he has that angelic child's face. They fuss over him, cooing. 

There is a promise of food. Erwin is out visiting I am told. He will return by supper. Whatever. Some kids find us and take Eren. I hang in the kitchens and sit glumly at the long pine table, head down. The nuns move around me, preparing food. Someone brings me wine. This is truly a blessed and holy place. I must have fallen asleep because someone is shaking my shoulder. It's a cherubic boy with long blonde hair. Probably one of Erwin’s street rats. 

He calls me Lord Levi. I don't feel like explaining Uncle Kenny is still technically Lord. I am being dragged by the hand through to the great hall. 

'Have you eaten?'

'Huh? Yeah.'

'Do you want some fresh clothes? A bath?'

Who is this child. Erwin, where do you find these children. I didn't realize you were on such good terms with the almighty that he was loaning you angels. 

'We like Eren.'

Yeah, good luck with that. 

'I've heard so much about you. You send us money.'

Don't worry, I have come now to rain misfortune down upon you. Oh wait, I need to warn them. 

'Look, this is important. It's a secret that me and Eren are here. Knowledge of our presence doesn't leave these walls okay? No one from outside can know we are here.'

He looks a little afraid. We pass a group of children playing with marbles and he whispers to them, they scatter. 

'Don't worry Lord Levi. I'll spread word. The local peasants farm the land around us but they rarely enter the main house. The hospital and school are separate, as you know. Your horses are in the stables, just let one of the children know if you need them ready.'

I mumble thanks. 

'I'm Armin. I am one of the oldest orphans here. If you need anything please just ask.' 

He instructs me to wait in the great hall. I take a seat by the fireplace. A child brings me some clean, simple clothes. She leads me to the wash room just off the main entrance, they have had the fire pit on. I missed these small comforts. I shut the rickety wooden door and pour some water over the warm stones. Steam pours out. A large barrel of fresh rainwater. Some fresh washcloths and soap. I begin to forget my worries. Until my wounds start to sting and shout at me. Until I think of Eren and experience a small heart attack because he is out of sight. 

I emerge a new man, and a little orphan girl leads me to one of the tiny upstairs rooms. My gear is by the window wall. Somebody has carefully arranged my sword and bow. I chuck my filthy clothes on the cott. She asks if I want them washed. I hesitate. What if they do it wrong. It’s been awhile since I let anyone look after me. Sure whatever. Go.

'Eren's playing in the garden. He's very nice.'

Yeah I know. 

'Father Erwin will be back soon. This is your room. Erens with Armin, I'm sure he'll show him up later.'

Oh look there's two beds. 

'Can't I just sleep in the great hall with everyone?'

'Yeah! That would be fun! Will you tell us about your adventures?'

Yeah maybe not. 

'Well, you should come down and wait with us. The nuns will want to see you. They have worked so hard while you've been gone.'

Yeah. I have too. I bet they haven't been slicing heads off though. I collapse on the bed, inhaling the smell of dust and stone walls. When I wake up the sun is low in the sky. I head downstairs. I check on Eren. He’s surrounded by people. I wait in the main entrance for Erwin. I ignore everyone. I slowly fill with anxiety. 

Erwin arrives in a golden cloud, surrounded by small children and animals. Heavenly music plays. Orphans gather round him and clutch his pure white robes. He fixes his eyes onto me and smiles warmly. I am pulled into a hug. I hate this. Maybe hate is too strong a word. I ask a child to please, please check on Eren and make sure he isn’t left alone. I pull Erwin aside. We retreat to his office. The smell of old leather books overwhelms me for a moment. It's getting dark and he lights candles. 

'We are in deep shit Erwin.'

His enormous golden eyebrows draw together. 

'I have the prince with me. You know that one? The one who killed his father?

'Eren Jeager?'

'Yeah him. Anyway. We ran away together. I was coming back from a hunt when he stopped me in the woods. He overhead the Queen ordering Dok, that asshole I told you about, to cut my face off. I had to kill Dok then run away, taking the little shit with me.'

He's thinking.

'I assume you are being hunted.'

'Pretty much guaranteed to be fugitives yeah.'

'We have heard nothing yet. You must have flown here.'

'The Queen might keep this quiet. But I am certain we are wanted men. We cannot be seen. She will have sent someone after us. Maybe Everyone. I don't know. I guess we'll find out soon. I covered our tracks. Took the back roads. We could be anywhere.'

He's nodding slowly.

'Look, about Eren. Be careful.'

I'm not really sure I want to tell Erwin about our little adventures. I have to say something though, I can't carry it all alone. 

'He's a weird kid. He's grown very attached to me. We need to be careful. This morning he…'

Erwin's waiting patiently for me to continue. He's a saint. Really.

'He threw a little fit. Well, like a big meltdown type thing. He thinks he's a burden I guess. He kept screaming at me to leave him behind. He collapsed on the ground and went quiet so I gave him a little room. He thought I actually left him and tried to throw himself off a cliff. He did, actually throw himself off a cliff. I caught him and dragged him back up.'

I'm panting slightly with the weight of what I'm saying. Erwin's staring off into space hands clasped. He's sitting in his large leather wing chair looking like the wisest of men. I'm pacing around the room, keeping my bare feet on the woollen rug. 

'Wasn't Eren locked up?'

'That’s what I assumed when I started work at the castle. Turns out he's the stable boy. Something about the Queen enjoying watching him suffer. She sends the guards after him by the sounds of it. He's pretty broken inside. Obviously.'

As I listen to my own words I have to stop and hold my hands over my face. I breath into my palms. I can smell wine. I really want some more wine. 

'Levi. You seem quite attached to the young prince.'

'I'm not. He's an absolute shit.'

He laughs gently.

'No. Erwin. I'm pretty certain he a demon sent from hell to test me.'

He's laughing still. What a shitty priest.

'Does he have the typical markings of demonic possession? Generational curses, oaths, and soul ties, occult involvement, trauma or victimization, and long-term ongoing sin?'

'Yeah I'm pretty sure he's got those covered. Like, really well covered.'

'I'm sorry, Levi. He sounds deeply troubled. Do you feel he is still a danger to himself at this very moment?'

'I don't think so. Not as long as he thinks I'm close.'

Erwin's serious again.

'He frightens me Erwin. And I'm not scared of anything. He gets this look in his eye like he's going to set the whole world on fire.'

'Do you think he actually killed his father?'

'I honestly don't know. He was only six at the time. It’s possible that the Queen poisoned them both and framed Eren for the crime. I wouldn't put it past her. She's a cruel and hysterical woman. No one in the court likes her, but she holds the reins to both kingdoms now.'

'Levi, set your troubles aside for the night. You need to rest.'

'I need to check on Eren.'

'It’s good to see you again Levi. Your letters only tell me of your travels, never the contents of your heart.'

'They aren't fucking love letters Erwin.'

He's laughing again. We are heading towards the great hall. 

'And where the fuck do you find these children? God rewards you with angels and I am sent a demon?'

The older children and Eren are sitting fireside, they are speaking in excited but hushed tones. The younger children are gathered together nearby, sleeping in hay. Armin spots Erwin and runs to him, pulling him into a deep hug. He turns and beckons Eren over. Erwin welcomes him and holds Eren’s hands in his. Eren glows in the firelight. His eyes are molten gold. He looks down, shy. But when he looks up again to watch Erwin talk he parts his wet lips and tilts his head. 

I can't look. I have brought something terrible into this holy place. I watch Eren carefully. Nothing remains of the desperate boy I saw this morning. He is smiling widely and gazing deeply into Erwin’s eyes. I slither off upstairs, and immediately asleep.

My dreams are nightmares. Demons drag me down a hellish path of iron vines deeper and deeper into the centre of the earth. Their fingers tear at my flesh and their claws only dig deeper as I struggle. It's a biblical sort of nightmare you see. The worst kind. I am being taken to see the King of Hell. I do not doubt my guilt. I know I am innocent of wrongdoing, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions, you see. And thus I am already halfway there when I am taken prisoner. 

I was willing to walk the desolate road. I was starting to enjoy my spiral down. There is a certain comfort in knowing one’s place in the world. But my type attracts the wrong kind of attention. I trade in cuts and bruises, in kills and pints of blood. I am a soldier like my father before me, and my life is paid for with the souls of my enemies. 

My enemies are anyone the crown wants me to kill, they are not my own. Our family's land is soaked with blood. The grass grows because of it. The stone walls of our manor are filled with bones. I was dragged up from birth with a sword in my hand and our family honour strapped to my back. 

My skills are specific. I am the sharpest kind of knife, you do not feel me stick the blade in. It's only when you try to walk away, and find yourself without your heart that you realize anything is wrong. 

The king of hell desires these kinds of skills. But he kills slowly, in the cruellest ways. He kills with kindness, with a kiss. It's the gentle touches in between the hits that bring the most pain. A knife can cut out a heart but it’s love that crushes it. So why does he want me I wonder. I am being called downwards. 

In hell, the king’s court is a desolate wasteland. No sound, no air. Devoid of feeling. The king sits on a throne of twisted black trees, long dead. The sand beneath is ever shifting under foot. There is no air to breath. Life withers here and is forgotten. The sky is a gaping chasm. Each footstep in the sand disappears, leaving no trace of you. This land is the cancerous cavity that grows on the world of the living. 

His skin is meaninglessness. His fingers can only undo. His cloak is a void that swallows and reveals his form as it drifts. His face is that of a child on the verge of becoming a man, except he decided growing up wasn't worth the effort. 

I do not fear death. Death is a gift you see, it’s a reward for a life well lived, and it’s the bitter truth that makes living all the sweeter. This person can take death away from you. Keep it from you. 

Life is struggle. Life without end, with no hope of renewal and rest for the soul, is hell. Pointlessness. We strive to enjoy life because we know our time is limited. This place is limitless, and thus it is empty. I have a soul. I want it to dissolve one day. I do not want it to remain here. I will do anything to avoid this place. I will let my soul crumble. Just don't keep me here. 

The king laughs. A child's laugh, self indulgent and cruel. His intention seeps into me. He whispers inside my head. His voice vibrates my being, a frequency that grinds my bones to dust. He touches me and I know what it is to be sand that swirls without form, unable to settle. I cannot remember my own face, my form is lost and no one remembers it. I can only hope to be melted by him. Reformed as glass. He will determine my new shape. 

He kisses me and his lips are Eren's lips. 

I wake up in a cold sweat. Drenched. Panic makes me shiver and squirm. In the darkness I shake with fear. Nothing holds me together. I look at the bed next to me. Eren sleeps on his side, hands drawn to his face. His eyes snap open. They are straight onto mine. 

Something deep inside me snaps. It snaps in such a way that it can't be put back together again. I will have to live without it. I already have so little. Any consequence is fine. As long at it only affects me. I slide off my cot onto the floor. I strip off my nightshirt, it's two wet to sleep in. On the cool stone floor I hug my knees. Eren is a non presence. I'm not convinced he's real. 

His warm hands pull my arms from my face. My nightmare feels a little more distant. He's luring me into his bed. He sits and waits for me. I consider just sleeping naked on the floor. I remember he is fifteen. And he is not the king of hell. Everything up until now has been a ridiculous dream. Everything seems so clear in the dead of night. I am a ridiculous man. I remember that I am, in fact different now. I have been reformed and nothing looks the way it used to. 

I lay next to Eren and it means nothing. I fall asleep and dream of nothing. When I wake up to the sound of birds, the nothingness clings to me. Erens gone. Maybe he was never there. The plain walls and floor, the sunlight streaming in, the woolen blankets laid haphazard on my deserted bed. They are still, like me. Inert. I try to go back to sleep to ease my boredom but I need to piss. I get dressed and visit the gaderobe but I am determined to go straight back to sleep. 

I end up scrubbing my teeth and combing my hair back instead. That done I wash my face and hands in the basin of water on the window sill. I swish some water round my mouth then open the window and spit it out. I can hear children's voices in the garden. They are hanging out wet sheets to dry. It's warmer on the coast. The sun seems closer in the sky. I think I can see Eren trying to help. One arm strapped up in cloth.

I head downstairs. Everyone is busy. Nuns flit about whispering, children scamper down halls with arms full of washing and bread. I head to the kitchens. I grab beer, nuts, dried fruit and rolls of warm seeded bread. I ignore everyone. I go out to the back gardens. They are enclosed by high white walls. Tall cyprus planted in long rows. Private.

'How do you resist temptation Erwin.'

We are stood on the broad patio overlooking the open grass lawn. We're watching Armin playing with the younger children, his golden hair flies around his laughing face. He does a handstand, walks on his hands then flips back onto his feet. The children try and copy him. 

'Who says I do?'

I look at Erwin and his face is serious.

'Armin hasn't slept in the great hall for a year.'

He admits this like he's describing the weather. I splutter slightly and gape at him.

'Don't worry he's older than he looks. Plus, remember when you first arrived?'

'Erwin you're a fucking priest.'

'Didn't stop you.'

'Yeah but I was a twisted little shit.'

He's quiet for a moment. Maybe he's remembering.

'Armin calls me father.'

'Jesus Christ I don't need to hear this.'

He's wearing a smirk. I came here to seek god’s help and ask for forgiveness. I have walked into a den of heathens. 

'Where the hell’s Eren?'


	13. Church Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erens POV. Arriving at the Monastery. Meeting Armin. Getting settled in. The next day Eren has a serious talk with Erwin, then fools around with Armin.

We arrive at the massive white walls. At a wooden door with a large iron ring. Tall trees sway around us, a pale gravel path crunches under our feet. Levi is silent. The sun is actually shining on us, there is a warm oceanic breeze. Levi knocks and I stand behind him. Awaiting judgement.

I have heard stories about love a first sight. Usually involving princesses and knights. But I didn't really consider it possible until today. Armin. An angel. Mikassa storybook beauty. I will be friends with Armin immediately. We will in fact, be best friends. I will hold him in my arms forever and brush his soft hair and we will laugh all day long. Amazing. I will stare at Mikassa until she hits me or tells me to stop. 

There are no people like this at the castle. Lovely, silky people. Little cherubs that clutch at my hands and stare up at me with shining faces. Gentle nuns clad in long dark robes that swish around. They tend to things with soft soft hands. 

I am awkward around these people. I cannot look at them, let alone touch them. I look to Levi for help. Help me Levi. I cannot cope with these wonders you have shown me. Their beauty is burning me. I am shamed. 

Small, delicate hands are taking mine. Oh no. The angelic one is touching me and talking. I can't look up. He's pulling me along. I shuffle past everyone. Levi please help. Please come with me. Levi has disappeared somewhere. 

He is showing me a tiny room with a fire pit and wooden seats. He leaves me with one on the smaller children, says he's going to check on Levi. The fire grate is covered with large river stones there is a huge basin of water in the middle of the floor. I think this is a bath house. A steam room? Amazing. I am not allowed in the bath house in the castle. Of course. 

I am being given cotton sheets and new clothes. Heavy linen shirt. Cotton shorts. Loose woollen trousers, even leather leggings and a belt. sheep skin vest. Armin laughs and tells He's gently holding my good hand and looking concerned. 

'And you hurt your arm!'

'Yeah, Levi had to rescue me.'

'Don't worry. You will be safe here. Father Erwin will know what to do.'  
me I look like a prince. I want to know what his mouth tastes like. I push the thought down. I have to be a good boy. 

He shows me my room, tells me he can wrap my arm up so it doesn't hurt as much. He leads me back downstairs to a little ante chamber off the great hall. He tells one of the younger children to bring long bandages and medicine for pain. They run off and he smiles at me. His smile is cool and melting at the same time. He's small and pretty. He smells like warm sacramental oils. I feel my stomach go a little funny. I munch on a seeded bread bun

'Everyone is wondering where you came from Eren. Appearing with Levi like that, when he's not visited here for five years. And Levi tells me we have to keep you a secret!'

I swallow. 

'Oh. Yeah, we are in big trouble. We need to hide out here. The Queen is gonna kill us.'

Armin's eyes are wide, he gasps. 

'But I though Levi was working at the castle!'

'He was, but the Queen decided she didn't like him anymore. She doesn't like me either so we ran away.'

'Eren…'

 

predator eat out of your hand. I want to close my fingers around his neck. I want to pin him beneath me, hurt him, and watch his eyes slide shut. 

A vision of the bed soaked in blood. I shudder. Black clouds and a white sky. Levis eyes with all the stars gathered behind them. A golden crown. My angel dressed in black. Pale and bloodless. 

At the end of the long narrow hall there is a small window shaped as a cross. I stand so it’s lights covers me. Clouds shift and the sudden brightness burns my eyes. I have to turn away. 

I feel more like myself when I head outside. A nun takes me to the kitchen and sits me down with milk and eggs. She has soft soft wrinkles around her eyes. She tells me I can help with the washing but I mustn't jostle my arm. She doesn't ask any questions. I suppose to her nothing really matters. With my hand on a wet bowl makes me think of Armins smooth face. I want to see what he looks like when he cries. 

Levi still isn't up. I am swept along with some cherubic children to hang washing. I look for Armin, he's playing on the lawn. I think I can see Erwin and Levi on the wideholding my hands. Levi is shooting daggers at me with his eyes. He's so attractive. 

We all sit and talk quietly, His hands are so warm and soft. The small window in the ante chamber lets in a little evening light. I'm gazing into his blue eyes. It's romantic. I think. I wonder if Armin will let me fuck him on this bench. He looks the type. My thoughts are interrupted by the arrival of my bandages. Armin creates a sling and helps me rest my arm in it. He hands me a cup of bitter leaf juice and tells me it will help with the pain and swelling. 

He chatters on about his various duties in the monastery and takes me to the great hall to wait for Erwin. The day is almost over and the younger children are gathering in to sleep by the fireside. Mikassa is already sitting quietly. Armin introduces us properly and tells me that Mikassa was rescued from slavery by Erwin last year. She had been brought from overseas to be sold as a curiosity to wealthy merchants. She ran away and ended up here. 

Father Erwin. Father Handsome actually. Father Handsome is my dad. I'm sure I could embrace Father Erwin now and he wouldn't ever let me go. I'm pretty sure he would just gather me up in his arms and swing me around and laugh gently. He's I repeat to Erwin what I told Armin. When I turn to look for Levi he's gone. I can tell I'm getting tired because my arm is starting to hurt badly. I must have winched because Armin places his hand on my shoulder and announces I look tired. He grabs a candle stick and I am guided upstairs. At the bedroom door he pauses and asks me if I'm going to be okay. He doesn't know I spent the morning crying and trying to throw myself off a cliff. 

'Yes. Thank you.'

He's so cute I have to look down. 

'Goodnight then.'

He turns to leave.

'Wait!'

I hold him gently with my good hand and kiss him quickly on the cheek. I think he blushes. He smiles anyway. 

'Goodnight!'

He's already down the hall. Levi is laying perfectly still. Moonlight casts a silvery glow. I sit down on the bed. I change into the night shirt provided. I leave my clothes on the tiny wooden stool. I try to remember the morning. The events just float around my vision like i'm looking through murky water. I have no emotions about it. I see it like a map. A certain path led me there, and another led me back. 

When I think about it, Levi seems more upset than I do. He shouldn't have left then, it's his own fault. I was fair I think. I asked him to leave me behind. He was unfair to come back. To make me feel guilty. I suppose he didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't even know. Until I did it. I'm glad I know I can do it. If necessary. I'm glad I know how he feels. He didn't leave me. He hasn't left me yet. When he does, it will be because I'm already dead. 

As I try to drift off I watch Levi's face. He has the face of a marble angel. I imagine him with black feathered wings and its this thought that carries me off to sleep. 

I wake up to find Levi next to me. It’s early morning. His bed is a mess and his nightshirt has been thrown on the floor. As the sun heats it, the room smells like dust and old stone. His pale naked back is covered in scars. I don't remember waking up. I slept like dead dog. I'm not complaining. I haven't broken my promise either. I haven't tried to kiss him. 

His black hair is splayed on my pillow. I quietly get dressed and washed. He seems dead to the world. Before I leave I sit quietly and watch his face. I've always wanted this. To be close enough to touch. It's a thrill, like seeing a dangerous patio. They are talking. I feel a pang of what I think is jealousy. I let myself imagine taking Armin to some dark hidden place. Somewhere angels don't belong. I like to think these are normal thoughts. I've certainly never seen any evidence to the contrary. But maybe I am too old now to blame bad examples. 

I wonder how much Levi is telling Erwin. I don't really care. I have done nothing wrong. I wonder if Erwin will try to help me. I can imagine those large hands on me. Lifting me. I'm shuddering again. It’s been a while since I've been fucked. It's just not healthy. Either distract myself or make some kind of move. I'm in a fucking monastery so it's probably the ideal environment for covert sin. I have nothing to loose either. Well, I guess they could kick me out. 

Levi seems to have taken some pledge of celibacy. The nuns are probably a no-go. Mikassa seems cold, although she was staring at me throughout or fireside chat. Mark her as a maybe. Armin. He's either a virginal angel or a filthy whore. I am praying for the latter. Erwins a priest so of course he's a perverted sex fiend of the very highest calibre. There's my mark. 

Oh thank god. He's waving me over. I try not to run. Levi sees me and turns to go. Don't care. Fuck you then. I arrive at the patio, Erwin is above me leaning on the stone wall. I look up at him, blinking in the sunlight. His face is very firmly carved and masculine. He looks like how I imagine a roman god would look. But bigger. 

'Hello Eren.'

'Hello.'

I keep my voice neutral. I need to figure him out. A lot of people that seem warm at first are actually cold and twisted on the inside. 

'Levi's been talking about you.'

He's talking to me in simple terms as you would a child. I can't tell if he being patronizing or kind.

'I'd like to thank you for taking me in. Levi has been so kind to me and now I have forced my troubles onto you also.'

'Any friend of Levi's is a friend of mine Eren. We are here to provide a refuge for lost souls. We are a shelter for those in need.'

'Father Erwin.'

'Yes my child.'

Oh sweet shit. He's definitely a dirty old man.

'How do I help Levi.'

'I think we should talk in my study. We have things to discuss.'

Yeah I think we need to discuss your dick in my ass. I wind my way up the steps and follow obediently through the open archways flanking the greet hall. Near the main entrance there is a sizeable annex with an external door. He holds the door open and ushers me in. It takes my eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness. Large windows face west onto the ocean. Underneath us is a vertical drop. His study is built on the edge of the cliff. It's an imposing view. 

The room smells like leather bound books. There is a huge desk with a leather wingback chair and large wooden carvers on the other side. I sit on one of the oversized carvers despite not yet being invited. He's busy at a small console table when he turns around he hands me a goblet of wine. 

'I could get used to this.'

Oh wait I said that out loud. Erwin laughs and sits in his chair opposite me. He's eyeing me up. I eye him up back, over the rim of my goblet. The wine hits me like a punch in the face. Fuck yeah. I draw my knees up and settle back slightly. 

'Levi told me who you are Eren.'

'Really.'

'Must have been hard for you. Living in the shadow of your step mother. Always having to watch your back.'

I narrow my eyes. He's not direct, like Levi. He uses his good looks to get where he wants to go. He got a strong moral code that he sticks to. Its just not a moral code that others would allways agree with.

'Levi also told me what happened yesterday morning. He's very concerned about you.'

I gulp down more wine.

'I care for Levi, Eren. I've known him longer than you have been alive. And I won't allow anyone to hurt him. Not when I'm in a position act.'

'I don't want to hurt Levi.'

I regret opening my mouth. Maybe it’s the wine. This conversation isn't going as expected.

'Have you considered, Eren, that I know more about you than you know about yourself.'

'I've never even met you.'

'I performed your baptism. I was present for your birth. I married your parents, Eren.'

Bit of a boner killer. Wait. Maybe not.

'You look disappointed.'

'Levi didn't tell me that.'

'Levi hasn't told you a lot of things.'

So? I don't care. I drain my goblet. I set it on his desk and flop back in my chair. 

'Levi is an unusual person Eren. And I think you are too.'

I pull a face.

'Around you, I see flickering shadows. I see a fire that consumes everything it touches. I wonder Eren, if you know this and pretend not to see it.'

'And thats bad because...'

'Its not bad. Eren. Levi is the opposite. Sepulchral. As quiet and cold as the tomb.'

I know that. I look at Erwin. I try to burn through his eyes. 

'Go get the wine.' 

'Delighted to.'

I pour myself another cup full and I come round the desk to fill his. I stand next to him. 

'I wish you knew your father Eren.'

I tighten my grip on the twisted green bottle.

'You look exactly like your mother.'

It takes all my will power not to hit him. I sit the bottle on the shelves behind us. I slide in front of his chair. I'm practically straddling his lap. My one good arm is gripping the chairs armrest and shaking with the effort. Breathing hard, I lean into his personal space. He doesn't flinch. 

'I came in here hoping to fuck you. I think I'll just fuck Armin instead. He looks like a fucking …'

I'm flat on the desk before I can figure out whats going on. Erwin has a hand around my neck, but he looks totally calm. He's so tall he can stand upright and pin me down at the same time. My head hurts. Its been slammed against the desk at full force. Pain radiates from my shoulder. Instinctively, I relax. My legs swing over the edge of the desk. I let my arms drop from his wrist and go limp. He's looking at me with curiosity. 

'I wondered what got Levi so worked up. He said he had been sent a demon to test him.'

He slackens his fingers a little and lets me breath. Erwin's large golden cross is swinging casually between us. 

'Did you try this with him? I wonder…'

I'm angry. I tense my hands into fists. He sees this and moves his hips between my legs, leaning over me further. I let myself think of Levi. I slacken my hands again and wrap my legs around Erwin, pulling him closer. I arch my back off the table and look through the windows opposite, upside-down. The wine curls and burns in my stomach making me feel warm. 

'This is better.'

Another thing I didn't mean to say out loud. Except I kind of moan it instead of speaking it. 

'It's not wrong to want someone Eren.'

No it isn't, you fucking pervert. I press my spine flat against the desk and look up at the ceiling. I let my legs swing again, although Erwin remains firmly between them. I can still feel heat pooling. I squirm a little. 

'How long have you loved him.'

'Since he first arrived at the castle.'

It's taking a lot of effort not to grind against Erwins crotch. I don't have a lot of blood left to provide brain function. 

'Maybe even before that.'

'You know, Eren...'

He's pausing, collecting his thoughts. It's starting to annoy me that he still has me pinned so effortlessly. 

'I think you have a power in you that you do not know the full extent of yet. I think it's better if you discover it. I think its dangerous for you and for others if you continue like this.'

I have no idea what he's talking about. I watch his face, trying to determine if he's being serious. 

'I can see you're tired.'

I am tired. I look hard at the ceiling and I feel my anger drain little by little. Eventually, he takes his hand from my throat and lets me up. We remain close. I go so far as to rest my head against his broad chest. He has a strong heartbeat under his long robes. He smells like fragrant oil and cedar. I breath it all in. 

'I'm sorry. For what I said about Armin.'

He laughs. I feel the deep vibrations in his chest. 

'Armin is old enough to take care of himself.'

He sits down in his chair. I remain seated on the desk in front of him, swinging my legs. 

'I don't know you well enough to fuck you Eren.'

'Good to know there's still some honest priests out there Erwin.'

He laughs. It's a genuine, warm laugh. 

'Do you think I'm a demon.'

'Do you think you're a demon Eren?'

I have to think hard. I have to take some responsibility for my actions I guess. Being with Erwin makes me feel level headed and wise. I can't answer him.

'I don't know. Thats why I asked you. Levi does.'

'Levi thinks everything is imbued with evil.'

I want to crawl into his lap. I stop myself. 

'Go play. Do some chores. We don't know if the Queen is after you yet so you might as well enjoy yourself while you can.' 

I step down onto the floor. In a bold move, I lean over and kiss him full on the lips. It's okay because he's a priest. It's like kissing a statue of Jesus right? Totally fine. 

I think I caught him off guard because he stays still as I swing out the door and head back towards the gardens. I'm looking for Armin. I find him playing with the younger children. I join in. We spend a few hours of bliss chasing one another and he reads a book to everyone. I watch him intently as he reads. He's exceedingly clever. I can barely read my own name. 

He's easy to be around. I'm astounded when he leans over and whispers in my ear. I follow him as instructed towards the dense trees of the apple orchard. My dreams of becoming his best friend may be coming true. He runs suddenly and glances back, laughing. I give chase. I tackle him to the ground. I realize he is, indeed older than he looks. He's so innocent. Looking. I keep it casual and sit next to him. His blue eyes look me up and down as if he's determining my worth. 

He's being quiet. I quickly make a daisy chain and place it on his head. While our faces are still close he pecks me on the cheek. An imitation of what I did the night before. 

'Armin?'

'Yes Eren.'

'Are you an angel?'

He giggles. The daisy crown slips on his silky hair.

'Did you talk to Erwin.'

'Yeah. He's a good person.'

'He is.'

He finds my hand amongst the long grass. I gulp.

'Armin?'

'Yeah.'

I'm leaning closer, getting desperate.

'Can I kiss you, once.'

'Just once.' He laughs again.

I do. I try to back away after but his hands are in my hair. He kisses like a whore, it's beautiful. Sweetness fills my mouth. His hands are all over me. In between tangling his tongue with mine he crawls into my lap. He's light. It's like making out with a girl, but better. If I told him he was going to die if he didn't kiss me he couldn't have done a better job. I will attend church everyday from now on. I'll become a nun. 

I shove him down onto the ground. I push away all my wicked ideas. He looks at me with an expression that makes my dick throb. I am a wolf that will devour this sacrificial lamb. I pull his cock free from his trousers and give it my mouths full attention. I don't stop till his hands are pulling at my hair rather painfully and his cum fills my mouth. He mewls and purrs like a kitten. I swallow and gently lick him clean. The sounds he's making are like silver bubbles that hang in the air. 

I can't stand it any longer. My dicks painfully hard. I fall backwards into the long grass. I can hear Armin's breathing. I focus on that and try to calm myself. I am grateful for the cool dampness that lingers between the trees. Looking up I watch the empty tree limbs against the sky.

I'm almost calmed down when I feel Armin crawl on top of me. He's on his hands and knees hanging over me. He lowers his head and places quick little kisses on my mouth, jaw, neck. It's so sweet I feel dizzy. When he reaches between my legs I have to clamp a hand over my mouth. I'll have to tell him to stop. I don't want to make a mess of my new trousers. It's not often I get new things. 

Turns out I might not have to worry too much because he's using his mouth now, copying me. I only sucked him off to show him I'm a good guy. That and I really wanted to. Now it's my turn to make dirty noises. He sucks cock like a whore. Trust me, I've seen plenty of whores in action at the castle. The guards turned partying into an official job role.

He's doing such a good job I forget this is my first time getting head. Its like being born again. I barley have time to enjoy it before I'm holding my breath and cumming hard. Everything goes white for a few moments and when I come to, Armin's hovering over me again. Embarrassingly, I have tears in my eyes. 

I feel dizzy and lightheaded. His face swims in front of me, rippling. 

'Eren.'

'Yeah.'

'Are you okay?'

I quickly press my hands into my face, hoping my tears aren't to obvious. 

'Yeah, sorry. No ones ever…done that before. For me.'

'Oh. Was it okay?'

'Armin. I don't want to scare you, but it was like being born again.'

'Oh.'

'I'll never be the same.'

'Oh.'

He looks worried. I laugh and hoist myself up, sitting him on my lap again. I spend a good few minutes with my face pressed into his neck, smelling his hair. 

'Don't you think doing stuff like this is… wrong Armin?'

'Erwin says its not wrong. As long as you don't do it with married women and you love Jesus.'

Sounds legit. 

'Come on. Lets go get dinner.'

He taps my back and I hoist him up with me one handedly, his legs wrapped around my waist. He laughs and swings back, arms around my neck. 

'So this is what it feels like to have a princess.'

I said that out loud. Armin giggles against my ear. I'm so glad to have found this place. I feel like nothing can kill my good mood.


	14. The Sound of Cracks Forming in Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the morning after his creepy dream about Eren so Levi decides to drink. Erwin has a that nice chat with Eren then reports back to Levi. Levi starts to formulate a plan. This all overlaps with Eren's account of the day in the last chapter. Levi's POV
> 
> I am going to keep things more linear after this chapter! Less confusion as to the timelines. Also, Levi/Eren is coming up soon so don't worry.

I start the day on beer and figure hey, why not drink through till lunch. My little chat with Erwin did nothing to lift my spirits. He's actually going to have a nice sit down with Eren. Good luck with that. Last time I tried that he had a nice sit down on my dick and refused to get off me. Now I am just a failing ex mercenary who is lamenting his interrupted retirement and drowning his sorrows in good, country beer. No one makes beer like these god loving sinful sacks of shit. 

I'm sat in the open arches that flank the great hall. Erwin's back. Must have been a good talk because he's looking rather somber. 

'Please tell me the exorcism was a success.'

He sits down next to me heavily. Did I mention he's really tall and imposing? I worry the bench will actually snap. 

'We have a problem.'

So it's a no, the demon still resides within Eren.

'You have brought a demon into our midst.'

'Yeah sorry about that. I had nowhere else to take him.'

'I'm hoping Armin might calm him down.'

I choke on my mug of beer. 

'That cute blonde kid? Are you insane?'

'Levi I wouldn't put any of my children in harms way. Armin can look out for himself.'

'So, Eren must have behaved himself with you?'

'Not exactly no.'

If I roll my eyes any harder they will drop out of my head. 

'He got angry when we talked about you. I kind of, pushed him a little, talking about his parents. He got in my face and told me he was only speaking to me in the hope of getting fucked and that he was going to go after Armin instead.'

At this point I have my head in my hands, squeezing my brain through my skull. 

'I had to pin him to the desk till he calmed down. Took a while but he apologized. He seemed to soften a little but then he kissed me and ran off.'

I'm actually pulling my hair out. 

'He reminds me a little of how you used to be.'

'There is no way I was that bad.'

'No. You were more violent and cold. But just as troubled.'

'Eren's more dangerous because he can draw people close before tearing them apart. At least people avoided me. Still do.' 

'You are both sides of the same coin Levi. I'm not sure anyone else can help him.'

'Even you?'

'He doesn't care about me. He was willing to tell me anything because he didn't think it mattered.'

'Erwin.'

He's silent, looking out over the garden. 

'Why can't I leave him Erwin. Why do I feel so…drawn.'

Erwin keeps his eyes fixed out onto the garden. 'Maybe it's demonic possession. Maybe it's the way he looks up at you and demands you to take him. Maybe it's because he was born to be king.'

'Maybe he's just a shit and I am an idiot.'

The rest of the day passes in a sunny drunken blur. Eren eventually reappears with Armin draped over him, looking suspiciously flushed and laughing a little too loud. Erwin seems unconcerned by it all. I try to think of strategies, but every time I get close to formulating a plan Erens silver laughter pushes in and waves off the thoughts like lazy flies. 

Somehow, we need to find new lives for ourselves. I am not willing to spend the rest of my life on the run. I have a list of options I keep running through. 

1\. Turn Eren in and live at the castle in peace (this will not work, they will never accept me back after killing Dok.)

2\. Leave Eren here, move to a different country and live as the crazy village mountain man. (This will not work, I'm afraid Eren will destroy this place, and I can't really grow a beard.)

3\. Kill Eren and myself also. (Erwin and the monastery can't get in trouble and by being dead I avoid any further aggravation.)

4\. Stay here, become a reclusive drunk and wait for shit to turn nasty. (I can't do this to Erwin, If the queen finds out he's been harboring criminals, even being a very handsome religious leader won't help him avoid a charge of treason against the crown.)

5\. Fuck. (fuck).

By supper I am running option three through my head over and over again, watching Armin and Eren (now inseparable) cuddle by the halls great fire. Mikassa, the dark eyed, quiet girl, watches them suspiciously. Erwin has been flitting about, orphan children clinging to his long robes, surrounded by a golden light. His hand is suddenly heavy on my shoulder.

'You look very troubled Levi.'

'You fucking think?'

Erwin sits down on a armchair beside me, looking very authoritative and worldly wise despite a small child clinging to one leg. 

'The queen has never caused me any trouble Levi. I don't know how you managed to get yourself in this situation.'

'Shut up Erwin. Her opinion of me changed. My value to her changed. She's fickle. I'm lucky that Eren warned me of her attack.'

Erwin is watching the fire. 

'Do you have a plan?'

'Only murder/suicide.'

'Ahh Levi, I've never know you give into despair.'

'You have never known me in such deep shit before.'

'I advise you to run. Find a place in the mountains. Live out your days there.'

Its my turn to stare hard at the fire. I gulp down the last of the wine before replying.

'What do I do with him.'

'You would have to take him with you Levi. I don't know him well but I don't think he would manage alone.'

I watch Erens hair glowing, Armin next to him, talking quietly.

'I'm…'

'Eren told me he loves you.'

'I have trouble believing that.'

'I think he believes he loves you. He's definitely obsessed at Levi, which is halfway to love.'

I hiss through my teeth.

'He is a very comely child.'

'Stop talking Erwin.'

He laughs at me. 

'Maybe you should reward yourself.'

'I am not like you. I don't want pretty boys to fawn over me.'

'I heard a merchant in town talking about the queens bounty. Sir Levi has one hundred gold coins on his head. I would expect no less for a knight of realm, even one who's semi retired.'

'Shit.'

'Indeed. How the mighty of fallen. You were one the kings favourite delinquent knights, rarely showing up to court, avoiding responsibility…now even Lord Kenny cannot save you.'

I bury my face in my hands. Eighteen years of struggle, bloodshed and loyalty down the shitter. A short retirement ended by treachery and cowardice. Dishonourable discharge.

'You probably have a day before the queens guards come calling, asking to search the grounds. Let me know if I can provide you with anything. We don't have weapons but we have food, clothing…'

'Eren needs shoes. And a warm cloak. And dear god, please pray for me Erwin. I have never asked you before, but please pray for me.'

Bastard laughs. 

'I dreamed that Eren was the king of hell.'

'It's normal to imagine demons in our everyday life Levi. Forces that tempt us, torture us. In another life, Eren would have been king of this realm. Maybe you would have served under him and his queen'

I have nothing left to say. I blink slowly at the fire and the back of Eren's head. The sandy, cracked parts inside of me shift a little, and a shard of glass nudges closer to my heart.


	15. Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erens POV. After his talk with Erwin, Eren spends the rest of the day with Armin. He follows a drunken Levi up to bed. Just a short chapter! an in-between! Eren doesn't always have a lot to say so I'm not gonna push him. Levi is kinda carrying the story now. Yes there will be round 26 chapters but some are fairly short like this one. Levi caves next chap and they 'makeout'. I have about three left to finish.

Me and Armin are now best friends. I am a little pissed at Levi for avoiding me all day but what the hell. I got my dick sucked, I can't complain. Levi has been look even more serious than usual, and he's been carrying around a bottle of wine all day. Who would have thought a monastery would be such a dark pit of sexual depravity and alcohol abuse. 

Levi must be coming up with a plan. I can rely on him to be the responsible one. Right now I am ecstatic to have Armin beside me. Our knees are shoved together, both are hands hot and sweaty from the intense heat of the fire. We are swapping stories of sexual exploits. Turns out he and the Priest man are fucking. Unbelievable right. Armin's life is fucking solid gold. 

Armin says me and Levi will probably have to run away together. He says that I'm going to be okay, because Levi is a good person. He can look after me. Apparently he's been working as a mercenary to the crown, and sending money back to the monastery to help the little orphan children that live here. He came to the castle to retire from a life on the road. Armin says Levi used to live here when he was young, after he fell out with his uncle, so he feels he owes Erwin. 

And guess what? Armin says I have to keep it a secret, but Erwin and Levi used to have a thing. Happened as soon as Levi turned up here at age fourteen or whatever. Erwin obviously likes them young. Probably why he didn't try anything with me earlier. Too old. Weirdo. 

Oops. Levi is stumbling off to bed. I might have a chance tonight. I kiss Armin goodnight and stalk after him through the long halls and up the narrow wooden staircase to our small room. I don't think Levi even notices me. While he's in the gaderobe I take some time to scrub my teeth and tidy myself up a bit. I sit on my bed trying to look as tempting as possible but when he finally stumbles in he just flops down on his bed. 

Levi looks different. He might look a little delirious. His hair is loose and falling around his narrow face. For all his tiredness he still looks beautiful. He's taken the time to trim his hair and change his clothes but his skin looks pale and there are two deep streaks under his eyes. His eyes are roaming over the ceiling. His lips are moving but no sound is coming out. 

I don't mind sitting watching him. His profile is so perfect. I could watch him forever. I imagine that I am on my throne and Levi is beside me. I would never send him away. Even if we have to live as hermits in the mountains for the rest of our lives. As long as I am with him.


	16. Weaponized Cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Levi heads to bed and is joined by a overexcited Eren. They are later awoken by Erwin. Levi’s POV.
> 
> Lol this fic has hardly any hits but I still think it's awesome and going really well.

'Eren. Lets kill her. Let's kill the queen.'

'And I can be king.'

'Yes.'

It is now after midnight. I have drank two bottles of wine over the course of the day. On top of beer. This great amount of alcohol has assisted me in devising a brilliant plan. We are both on our respective beds. Staring up at the dark ceiling. I think Eren is watching me through the darkness.

Well. I don't want to be on the run for the rest of my life. I certainly don't want to just hide here forever. Boring. I'd rather die. A kind of slick craziness grips me. A slimy, clingy kind of crazy that might be actual madness. I feel part of my mind dissolve. I sure it was a pretty important part. Maybe reason or judgement. Whatever. It couldn't have been that important. What was I saying. Oh yeah. Coup de Ta. What an excellent plan. Levi you are truly a knight of the realm. 

Lets serve the fucking king. Oh yeah. God I wish I had my other weapons. The best soldiers are out pushing native tribes back up north. Everyone else is patrolling the southernmost border. Letting the dirty sand dwellers know there's a new queen in town and she doesn't appreciate unregulated slave trade. Bet she doesn't appreciate having her head cut off either. 

That leaves the hundred or so royal guards that are permanently stationed at the castle. No problem. I've seen them up close. Whores throw better punches. I know the grounds intimately. Of course not all of them have to die. Just the higher ups that will resist. Hell, half of them will pledge loyalty to whoever hands them a mug of ale. 

Alright. Sorted. Oh wait yeah, there is probably some practical stuff we need to figure out too. Erwin. He can help Eren run shit. There is a large court of nobility, consorts, mercenaries, merchants, foreign dignitaries who all absolutely do not give a shit as long as they retain their wealth and power. I know Queen Reiss isn't liked, not in this kingdom anyway. The court and castle she left behind in Maria…well maybe they wouldn't mind a new ruler? One who's not a bitch? Oh wait, Eren's a total bitch. 

I wonder if Eren can hear my thoughts. It’s probably one of his many demon powers. He must be able too because he's laid very still, watching my face as if listening. Waiting for his chance to speak. He slides off his bed and crawls over, taking my hand in his.

'I think we could do it.'

'Do what?'

'Kill the Queen.'

I laugh, but Eren only grips my hand tighter and leans closer. 

'Levi, I want you to be my Knight. I want you to stay with me. I love you, Levi.'

He pulls my hand to his face and kisses it. The drink delays my reactions. I pull my hand back. Lost for words, I sit up and push away from Eren, towards the wall. I stare at the flicker of candlelight over his delicate features. He's looking at me, calm and sober, hands on laying on the bed as if praying. 

'Levi?' He whispers and crawls towards me, onto the bed. He comes close enough for me to feel his body heat. His breath smells like bread and honey. He's not waiting for a response, he's bringing his hands up to my face. I keep my hands by my side, as I am not sure what I want to do with them. I lean until my back and head are pressed against the rough plaster wall. I have no room left to retreat. 

My bold thoughts of rebellion and glory have fled, leaving me with only a burning from the wine and a slightly sick feeling from having Eren this close. I open my mouth to speak, but Eren takes the opportunity to take my lower lip between his. Oh god, the sensation shoots straight down to my groin. I have to grip the sheets to keep the room from spinning. Like a drunken idiot, I kiss back, eyes closed and arms shaking slightly with effort. 

Eren is pushing his way closer, winding his arms around me and digging his little fingers in. His shoulder injury seems to be forgotten. I believe the kids call this, 'making out.' Whatever it is I'm melting in the heat of it. When Eren moves down to suck on my neck I manage to get a hold of his shoulders. 

'Eren…what is this, what are you doing?'

'I'm kissing you, then you are going to sleep with me.'

He's moving lower, opening my shirt to drag his lips over my chest. Somehow, he's wiggled himself between my legs and his hands…

'Eren I'm too drunk for this.'

That is a lie. I have hard-on that could crush rocks. There is so much blood directed to my crotch I am loosing the power of sight. 

'I am not going to sleep with you.'

'We are going to fuck.'

'We are most definitely not, Eren.'

I have a rule, I think, about going too far with the crazy ones. I am old enough to know that nothing good will come from sticking my dick in this. Eren is already rather attached, I don't want him thinking we are… oh lord. 

Whilst I've been thinking, Eren's manoeuvred me onto my back. I am exposed and vulnerable like some virginal maiden. He's taken his shirt off and to my abject horror, he's all toned muscle and smooth tan skin. Wide shoulders and a narrow waist. My hands are in his hair. I try pulling away. It’s almost impossible as he's sat on top of me. I flash back to the sight of him on the cliff edge. 

The look in his eyes. He's entering that strange zone again. Staring at my without any soul behind his eyes. Two deep golden pools. I enter into negotiation. 

'Eren you have had a very stressful week and I think it’s best if we just rest for tonight. We are going to be very busy tomorrow.'

He's sat up straight and watching my mouth move, but his hand is on my cock so I know he's not listening properly. 

'I'll make a deal.'

My eyebrows shoot up. I wasn't expecting proper sentences. 

'Get me off with your hand and I'll go straight to sleep after.' 

'Thats…'

I consider this proposal. I almost coming just from the slight pressure of Eren’s hand, so I'm not in the best state of mind for haggling. Eren seems to know this, and gives my cock a little squeeze through my trousers. Let’s just get this over with. 

I dig my hand into his loose trousers and pull his cock free, determined. When he throws his head back to moan I panic slightly. 

'Eren be quiet it's a fucking church.'

'Mmmmm…ahhh.'

The noises he's making…I use my other hand to jerk myself off also, taking care to push down my trousers. His hands now cover mine, guiding me. Fucking hell. I come when Eren’s slim hand closes tightly around my dick. He catches my load in his palm. As I am rather too distracted, he finishes himself also, bringing his hand to his mouth to lick up my come. Dear god. I store the image of this safely away for future use. 

Still sitting atop me, he shudders and flops forward, his forehead on my chest. He turns his head to lick his own come off his other palm. I've never seen anything so filthy. I am unable to move, so I wait whilst Erens breathing slows. 

After a few minutes Eren shivers and retrieves his shirt without leaving my lap. His weight on top of me is the greatest comfort I've felt in years. God dammit I'm getting sentimental. I want to hold him against my chest. When he's not sinning he looks cherubic. He's relaxed against me, head on my chest. I feel very warm and fuzzy. Tingles are running through me. Erens gentle breathing is lulling me to sleep. He might be falling asleep just as he promised he would. 

With some difficulty I manoeuvre the blankets over us both. Seen as I cannot move I lay back and watch the flickering candlelight on the bumpy ceiling. My heart’s kind of swelling up. Eren seems to have his eyes closed, his breath is coming in even puffs against my chest. I'm feeling all kinds of things. Things I don't have words for. After a few minutes of paralysis I push my fingers into Eren's hair. He doesn't respond so I do as I please, combing his hair lightly. I don't notice myself dropping off. 

Its very dark still when Erwin comes to wake me up. Embarrassingly me and Eren are still cuddling. Erwin makes no comment, just tells me he's made preparations for us to leave in an hour. When he leaves I just lay still for a while, Eren in my arms. I don't really think about anything at all. Life seems to be just moving past me, and I have no grip on it. I'm not really as concerned as I should be. It’s like the path through my life has been cleared for me and all I have to do is keep moving forward. The path may be leading straight to hell but at least the directions are clear.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren has a nice sleep. They leave. Eren’s POV.
> 
> Short one. much nostalgia. so deep. wow.

Sometimes I dream I am back in my childhood bed, and if I manage to wake up slowly I can hover in that warm place just before waking. In this state I can pretend there is nothing in the world outside of my comfortable bed. Floating on an golden cloud in a deep blue sky, stars still twinkling above me. That's where I am right now. 

I remember standing on the edge of the waterfall, thinking that I would find this sense of peace amongst the foam and rocks. Instead I have my cheek pressed against Levi’s chest, and the rush of water I hear is his steady heartbeat. 

When I open my eyes and Levi's hand is beside it's the first time in my life I've not been disappointed to find myself awake. I grab his hand before it can move away from me. When I squeeze it, Levi squeezes back. My chest feels like it's been flooded. Before I can make make a sound Levi speaks.

'We're on our way.'

Levi sounds a little choked. 

'Erwin just came in. Says he has things ready for us.' 

It's still pitch black. After rubbing my nose thoroughly on Levi's shirt I allow him up and we both clumsily get dressed. Before we leave the room I grab him by the neck and drag him close so I can nuzzle him. Levi's shorter than me so I have great access to his silky black hair. 

'When you are quite done wiping your nose in my hair we have to go downstairs.' 

Armin was right. Levi is taking me away somewhere. Armin swears we will meet each other again. I am loaded up with various supplies. We are even given a pack horse for all our various survival gear. It's a secret that we are leaving so it's just Erwin and Armin that see us off. It's just before dawn. It feels like it's going to be a warm day. 

When the sun first peeks above the steep hillsides we have been on the road for half an hour. Levi is very quiet. Maybe he is hungover. My thoughts jerk from one side of my head to the other. Between Levi being the cutest ever and the possibility of Levi galloping off down the road abandoning me.


	18. Loaded Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leaving. Discussing the plan. What is Love? Levi's POV
> 
> BTW the story only gets more dramatic from here on out. They both kinda loose it. 
> 
> I've tried to keep everything in character. 
> 
> Sorry if these chapters seem kind of short. I am trying to make the story more easily readable so I am not overlapping the point of views as much. I am trying to keep it linear. 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS ABOUT HOW EREN IS A BABY PRINCE >:) Right now in the manga he's just kinda chillin in his titan form, holding shasha and trying to help everyone. Worrying about Armin. Like, Eren baby. My sweet baby.

Me and Eren are saying our goodbyes. Erens clinging to Armin and rather embarrassing himself by smothering him in little kisses. Erwin look on amazed until he comes to his senses and turns towards me.

'To which direction are you headed?'

'South probably. Easier than dealing with the cold.'

'Easier to pick up a tropical disease.'

'Winter in the north can kill you just as easily.'

I pause

'Erwin, If i never see you again…thank you. You cannot chose your family, but you can choose your friends. I now I am lucky that you have chosen me.'

'One can never know what the future will bring. We will see each other again.'

I can't think of anything else to say. I just look up at Erwin hoping to pull some kind of wisdom from his golden head. He's so damn tall. I have to physically remove Eren from Armin and push him onto his horse. 

Erwin and Armin stand and wave until we can no longer make out their shapes through the darkness. Me and Eren trot along in silence till we are back amongst the trees lining the woodland path. Dressed in peasant's clothes (full hoods and face scarves) we can take the main roads, but even in the semidarkness we keep our hoods up. My weapons are discreetly packed away with my wolfskin. We look like two poor merchants selling our wares on the road. 

I've been sure to strap a knife to Eren's ankle. I have one up each sleeve. Its an hour before the sun has fully risen. By then we have slowed to a walk and I can sense Eren's eyes on me. In the light of day, with a hangover, I have an easier time resisting his charms. 

'So...Levi?'

'Yes Eren?

'You have have a plan yeah?'

'You sound worried Eren.'

'Errrmm. ..no ...?'

'Don't worry Eren, we are going with plan A.'

'Plan A?'

'The King Eren plan.'

'Really!'

He's riding very close.

'Can we really do it?'

'...I don't really know. I think so.'

'I thought you were going to abandon me and go live in the mountains Levi.'

'I don't want to hide for the rest of my life Eren. Do you?'

'I don't really care as long as I'm with you.'

'You realise we have been together a week.'

Eren frowns.

'I don't care I'm just pointing it out.'

'Oh.'

'Yeah.'

'How are we going to kill the queen if there is just the two of us?'

'There won't be two of Eren.'

'Oh.'

'There will be one of us. Me.'

'What about me?'

'You are going to hide somewhere safe.'

'Levi...how are you going to get through the guards by yourself?'

'One by one, using stealth.'

'Like hunting?'

'Like hunting.'

Eren looks like he's thinking hard.

'Don't kill Jean.'

I can't help but laugh out loud.

'Okay.'

Eren's quiet for for a while.

'Wouldn't it be easier to just live in the mountains somewhere...'

'Well too be perfectly honest I haven't really bothered to think it through properly. I think we would do alright at first. No wait. We wouldn't. We would would be risking disease, illness... growing old in the cold. Living off of dried meat and berries in the winter. Boiling twigs and leaves when we get desperate. Our teeth will be worn down to stumps and we will probably stink. We will be riddled with worms and attacked by mosquitoes in the summer. In the winter we will get frostbite and our toes will drop off...'

'Levi!'

'Yes.'

‘I don't want to live in the mountains. But what if you die whilst attacking the guards?'

'If I die you slit your own throat. Unless you want to try making it on your own.'

'Nope.' 

'You're not afraid of dying?'

'I'm afraid of losing you. Aren't you afraid of dying?'

'I don't think I'm afraid of anything anymore.'

'Good.'

Eren is smiling, blinking into the sun. Whilst he's quiet I work on my plan. I have a map of the castle in my head. I run through scenarios until an ache grows behind my eyes and I suggest we stop for food. 

We leave the main road slightly and settle in a small clearing amongst the trees.

While Eren rams several loaves of bread down his throat, I watch him carefully. I'm trying to figure out why I can't just knock him out and leave. Live life far far away as a soldier of fortune. Change my hair. Adopt an accent. But I'm not going to. I'm going to get Eren safely back to the castle then slaughter everyone inside. I just wish I could figure out why I’m going to do that. 

Erens wiping his nose with his sleeve again. I'm not disgusted though. I actually end up reaching over and brushing away the rest of the crumbs with my own sleeve. Eren smiles and places a quick kiss on my cheek. He's almost shy sometimes. 

He leans back and lays on the grass, hands behind his head. It gives me more time to wonder about my connection to him. There is no one emotion I can grasp onto. I find myself without any real thoughts at all, just just a mushy dribble of odd feelings and conditioned responses. 

I know I would gladly kill for him. I know I am not going to get up and walk away. I am stuck in an orbit around Eren. My path is predetermined by some invisible force. He is a fixed point around which I revolve. Maybe such forces are not meant to be explained. Attraction pulls me in, and fear pushes me away. Maybe I will spiral downwards forever. 

I am very tired of waxing poetic. I start to daydream about all the places I would rather be, all the things I would rather be doing. It’s not until I hear Erens quiet snores that I realise we need to push onwards again. 

Its going to be another two days before we are within sight of the castle. The closer we get, the likelier we are to be apprehended. As we walk closer every approaching figure starts to become an enemy, and my hands begins to ache from gripping the hilt of my sword. 

Eren spends a lot of time singing and whistling. Talking to his horse. I am too tense to do anything but stare forward, eyes fixed on the horizon. 

Eren has been talking to me for some time. I don’t know if I have ever mentioned this but he has a slightly raspy, smoky voice that manages to sound innocent but forceful at the same time. It’s not a woody, vibrating voice like Erwins. It’s soft and expressive, like it wouldn't echo.   
Erens shoving his hand into my arm, trying to get my attention. The air around us is still and golden. Dust rises and settles in little puffs. The sun is behind us. Long shadows fall across the road. 

Eren eventually directs daisy ahead and in front of me, blocking my path. He opens his mouth.

‘Isn’t it getting dark?’

I blink and look around. It’s dusk.


	19. I Don't Think I'm Afraid of Anything Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the road. Guards appear. Eren’s POV.

We have been on the road all day. And all day yesterday. I’ve been switching between walking and riding Daisy so my butt doesn't get too sore. Levi had his hair cut whilst we were at Erwin's so I've been watching his new fringe swing around his face. Black silk. Do I spend a lot of time describing Levi? I don’t think I do. I don’t think I spend enough time.

Looking at him side on is nice. He’s frowning so there is a little bump between his eyes. His mouth is set in a firm line but his lips still look a little pouty. Now that the sun is setting his skin looks translucent in the shade.

I've tried talking to him but he hasn’t even grunted back at me for an hour now. I look back at the setting sun and shiver as a cold wind hits my face.

When I turn around Levi is slightly up ahead and jumping down from Knox. Two guards have walked straight up to us. One of them is shouting something about removing our hoods. 

The next second he is on the ground. Cherry blood squirts Knox's black legs and quickly forms a gory puddle. He snorts and carefully avoids the mess.

Levi is kicking the second guard, who is crawling around like an idiot and screaming. His screechy voice is very off-putting. I wait patiently for Levi to finish him off also.

Levi is wearing all black and it looks really good. From behind especially.


End file.
